April 29: Temple of Poi 2007 Fire Dancing Expo

A grand success, even if I did set my costume on fire. Ironically, none of the beginners did it but a bunch of the pros did. . .

April 28: GlitterGirl and Fire Friends on KRON TV

My second television experience! :)

April 7: Journey

I liked this. Speaks to the journey over the destination.


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become
by achieving your goals.
~ Zig Zigler ~

March 14: Voices

The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is happening outside.
~ Dag Hammarskjöld ~

March 9: Michael Crichton

We all can work ourselves into a hysterical panic over possibilities that we won't look at. What if I have cancer? What if my job is at risk? What if my kids are on drugs? What if I'm getting bald? What if I am faced with some terrible thing that I don't know how to deal with? And that hysteria always goes away the instant we are willing to hear the answer. Even if the answer is what we feared all along. Yes, you have cancer. Yes, your kids are on drugs. Hysteria accompanies an unwillingness to look at what is really going on; it promotes an unwillingness to look. We feel we are afraid to look, when actually it is not-looking that makes us afraid. The minute we look, we cease being afraid.
~ Michael Crichton, Travels ~

March 2: Going to DC

I love my new MacBook Pro...

February 24: Wisdom

I'd like to share a little about _Wisdom_, as I understand it just now. Perhaps it will give you joy in some way -- I imagine especially those who have done Arete.

I have for years considered doing Arete. First, because of a completion party I was at (also my first professionally paid fire dancing gig) at which I met Travis. At the party, Marcella came up to me and said something that I would categorize now as poignantly honest. It was some insight about my social awkwardness and it was delivered with such innocence and love, it really made me curious about the Arete experience. You see, Marcella was answering my question about Arete, "What is it?"

Bryan did it, then Travis. Then a series of people I really respect and love. Then I felt pressured to do it. Then I felt judged at some point -- I'm sure it was my hallucination. Then I felt on the outside. Then I wasn't hanging out with so many folks in the Arete community. Then I returned to see many from that community who thought I had done it.

I've had an interesting relationship with attending and not attending for at least 5 years now. What strikes me about it is the idea of "being open" and what that means.

My greatest sense of openness shows up for me when I play with flow toys. Over the years, I've been integrating that flow into the rest of my life, working towards greater openness... Sensing that was better for me somehow but not really knowing why.

The past 36 hours has been fairly packed and intense for me. It included having the great pleasure of celebrating the inspirational life of a dear friend as well as the amazing gift of educating a 14 year young woman who flew in with her uncle to take a poi intensive with me.

The experiences was touching and concluded with me getting to witness Aria perform a little piece of choreography, most of which she couldn't do 36 hours ago. Then her uncle Joey gave me a gift.

It was wrapped in brown paper with GlitterGirl written on it and there was a heart over the "I" -- I was touched by that because I just decided how to sign "isa" on paper in the past few weeks: I am putting a heart as the "dot" on the "I".

I walked out of the building with the beautiful gift and got swept up into a hilarious series of misunderstandings with a good friend resulting in the expected expenditure of about $50. I thought that was a bummer.

Yet I maintained a good spirit, stayed in my center pretty well (at least by self-to-self comparison) and, to my great joy, remained _open_. I found my way home finally and kicked back to open the gift.

It is a beautiful book called Wisdom: 365 Thoughts from Indian Masters by Danielle and Olivier Foolmi.

I didn't notice at first, but there was a very beautiful thank you note and tip inside the book on the page with today's date on it. The amount? $50. Perfection I thought.

And then it got better. I sat there reading some of the quotes, thinking how awesome Joey was and reflecting on the craziness of the last 36 hours of my life.

Then I intentionally made myself open -- for the first time in my life I recall feeling completely at choice about my ability to open, particularly in the face of lots of things that in the past would have had me close.

Because of this, my understanding of openness has completely shifted... I realized it as I was reading a passage ("In nature, action and reaction are continuous. Everything is connected to everything else. No one part, nothing, is isolated. Everything is linked and interdependent. Everywhere everything is connected to everything else. Each question receives the correct answer" - Svami Prajnanpad) of _Wisdom_:

Being able to choose openness in every moment is freedom.

It is the freedom to choose to remain open when I might otherwise unconsciously close. I imagine it must be enlightenment.

I also can see so clearly so many ways in which I resist opening -- like resisting Arete for so long. . . which I am grateful I will be doing in May.

February 19: KRNV TV Appearance

KRNV reporter Adriana Banovich covers the surge of poi fire dancing in the Reno, NV area, featuring Reno's premier poi troupe, Controlled Burn with supporting audio from moi, Temple of Poi founder, Isa "GlitterGirl' Isaacs and footage of Hunter and I from the Temple of Poi 2006 Fire Dancing Expo. My first television appearance! whoo hoo!

February 14: Try...

"Try everything twice -- the first time might have been a fluke" - Mom

February 5: Perfection...

The true perfection of man lies, not in what man has, but in what man is....Nothing should be able to harm a man but himself....What is outside of him should be a matter of no importance.
~ Oscar Wilde ~

February 5: Right Answer

By the time the average person finishes college he or she will have taken over 2,600 tests, quizzes and exams. The 'right answer' approach becomes deeply ingrained in our thinking. Life is ambiguous; there are many right answers-all depending on what you are looking for. But if you think there is only one right answer, then you'll stop looking as soon as you find one.
~ Roger von Oech ~

WWYD?

How would you feel if you friend told you they just tested HIV+?

January 1: Happy 2007

I had a fascinating new year's eve. I had a gig that I accepted for less money than I would normally require. Why? Ultimately, because of my (unfounded) fear of not being able to pay my rent.

I arrived at the site and within minutes fell in a construction ditch (about a 4-5 foot blind drop -- didn't see the hole because it was dark) while surveying the performance area on the other side of the construction zone. The client led us there, in case you're wondering.

I sprained my finger (and put more pressure on the finger I had two days earlier dislocated in practice for a show I'm doing) and sustains some bruises and abrasions on my rather ample butt. Apart from that, I walked away from the accident laughing about it. It was, objectively, funny even if my subjective experience included injury, pain and discomfort. Surveying the situation, I consider myself lucky in that I could have fallen onto some rebar or broken my leg or twisted my ankle and had some really serious injuries.

Anyway, the client hadn't provided an appropriate area for managing our fuel and set us up in the neighbors driveway -- fairly close to the ditch I fell in with the performance area just on the other side of that. The neighbor was understandably upset and confronted us -- he was not pleased we had fuel in his lot near wood and was naturally concerned that an accident might lead to a fire. So after setting up and getting everything ready for our first performance (this means soaking all our tools which we'd passed through the construction area to our safety person), we had to pack up our gear and move
it to the sidewalk in the front of the house.

By this point, we'd missed the performance window -- we were supposed to go on for our first set before midnight but the delays made this impossible. Some time later we performed our first set using live music rather than the music I had spent 5 hours editing for our intended show. The tools wouldn't light well at that point. Why? The fuel had evaporated because we'd been waiting so long.

Our second set was more of the same, with the client refusing to tell the DJ to play our music when the DJ wouldn't do so. During the second set, I slipped on the carpet outside -- a wet green leaf got under my shoe. I'm told I made it look like a break dancing move. Not bad for a sore girl with swollen fingers and a bruised bottom. ;)

While we did not perform the show we'd intended, we did perform an amazing show and earned ~15% tip from the client.

In the 5 years I have been a professional fire dancer I have never had a client fail to meet so many of the agreements of our contract nor have I had an experience laden with so many difficulties.

Upon reflection, it seems like a blessed experience. Those who witnessed my first fall indicated they were concerned they would be transporting me to SF General -- not just the client, but the other dancers and witnesses present. I then performed two fabulous sets in the face of all sorts of opposition and earned a tip from the client.

I imagine 10 years ago I might have looked at this experience as a sign that the new year would be fraught with challenges -- a "bad sign" about the things to come.

Now, thankfully, my world is different. I was inspired becayse as we were leaving the venue, one witness went so far as to say I must be a special being to be able to walk away laughing from something like that when I could have ended up injured in the hospital, let alone performing the way I had.

I am grateful to say it seems more natural for me to view this event as a sign that the new year will be filled with the ability to flow through challenges and walk away with a smile on my face, laughter in my voice, and abundance in my pocket... even in the face of obstacles that quite literally will drag me down than the less positive perspective I might have had 10
years ago.

What I learned I offer you now as follows:

May 2007 bring you all you desire, including the resources to laugh when you are down, the strength to pick yourself up and keep going in the face of that which you hadn't planned being foist upon you, the will to move through the pain that can sometimes stop you in your tracks and the capacity to remind yourself just how great a joy all that you have really is.

RamHawk: Blue Spiral

Temple of Poi performed today in Union Square. What an honor to once again get to support the San Francisco Food Bank's Canned Food Drive! We also sold copies of the Temple of Poi 2006 Fire Dancing Expo DVD and donated a portion of the sales proceeds to the Food Bank as part of our contribution to the beautiful work they do.

Working with students was really fun for this event despite the sound challenges we had, as is evident in Sarah and Devon's piece. Considering all the sound challenges, they did a super amazing job! I am proud to have contributed in any way to their success and humbled by the professionalism they had while performing.

I may not believe in astrology, but…

In the early part of the decade I spent a lot more time out in the late night dance scene. At one point, I was actually out there working at parties, including working the door of one party for a little bit of cash. I had been there a short while – it was early in the night – and I had gotten into a great conversation with the bouncer. We had been talking for about 10 minutes when he asked me what my astrology was. I said to him I was an Aires. Then he asked me my Chinese astrology and I told him I was year of the Rooster.

I don’t really believe in astrology – how can a bunch of stars actually predict who I am and what I’ll be? And, I often find the lessons presented in astrology have powerful parables which we humans can gain from, if we look for how the messages are true for us in that moment.

Given my beliefs, I was surprised when the bouncer spoke the most accurate one sentence summary of me based on those two piece of information. He said, “Oh, so you’re a ram-cock: a strong yet squishy forward moving object that likes to get into stuff.”

My haircut is in honor of those traits.

Start Again

What I got out of this silence was a gift I never could have gotten had I gone to North Fork: anchors in my own home to my own unrelenting ability to sit with myself and ignore soooooo many distractions. For me, breaking the silence began first when Hunter called me and I answered the phone. Hearing my own voice was bizarre – I hardly recognized the sound outside my head, but more than that, using my vocal cords felt funny.

I think coming back into my voice took a good 1.5 days. Food, on the other hand, took quite a bit less time and I found myself eating chicken soup on the first day. Eating was in fact weird for quite a few days and I was grateful to have taken the 10 days to reset my relationship to food.

Day 10: Because Evolution is What Separates us from the Monkeys

For years I’ve been hearing about Ken Wilber’s work, integral thinking and his AQAL model. During the last 3 days of my sit I listened to his Kosmic Consciousness audio product which I highly recommend. It was as if, for me, years of things I sort of understood all clicked into place and suddenly the world made a whole lot more sense. More than that, it was as if I was suddenly able to see myself in ways I had never understood before and my whole journey took on more meaning as I began to see my own evolutionary process unfold within the context of his model and those he cited. It was a beautiful experience and a fine way to end the 10 days of silence.

Day 9: The Unexpected: Part II

On Monday, I had one of the best opportunities to notice my sensations as fear arises. As I was sitting, I heard noises at my front door. After living at my residence for nearly 3 years, I’m fairly familiar with the sounds made on the front steps of the house, so when the sound of the front gate opening during the day happened, I wasn’t really particularly surprised as I have 3 neighbors downstairs. What followed were the sounds of noises that sounded a lot like a key in my front door and scratches on the glass of the door. As I was sitting, a bevy of thoughts ran through my head: Is this a friend who is simply messing with my head, knowing I’m doing a sit at home? Is this someone breaking in? Would I just sit and be with my experience or get up if a burglar really came into my home?

I actually thought perhaps the most empowering thing I could do was remain unmoved, simply noticing my sensations if in fact someone was in my home to steal. I tried to imagine what they might feel like watching someone sitting there all zen’d out while they were trying to rob the place. I had fantasies of them turning around and leaving without touching anything after noticing me sitting there. I also had visions of them killing me while I was sitting noticing my sensations. I wondered if in fact that would be an enlightened moment.

As it turned out, the noises and person went away, the gate slammed closed and no one came in, though there was a repeat of the sounds about 15 minutes later with the same outcome.

Day 8: The Unexpected: Part I

Relieved to have access to my email – amazing my attachment to it, really – I found myself really moved on Thanksgiving day by all the people who decided to contact me and send me wonderful messages of gratitude. Having my original time piece stop working and having to use my phone to time my sits, it was perhaps the hardest day of all to remain silent since I received so many text pages and calls.

I hadn’t accounted for the response I might have and my own desire to contact people. I had no idea how so many messages of gratitude would impact my experience, though I was, in fact, quite grateful for my own experience at that point. Perhaps the most unexpected communication came from my friend Dan who sent me an email (it was simple but effective) articulating that he was grateful for me in his life. Given that Dan and I had rarely spent any time together socially I was pretty moved by the experience. What a gift…

Day 7: I just want to eat a big red steak

After not chewing for 7 days, I simply wanted to chew on a big steak. Nothing else really seemed interesting -- just a nice, juicy, rare, steak. An interesting craving to sit with. Excellent practice. And that was the point of doing them both together for me -- to notice my own cravings around what I put into my body so I could change my relationship to them.

Of course, my craving to write emails was something I just decided to give up on Day 7. From a time perspective, it seemed to just make more sense to write the emails and simply put them into my draft folder. I was also presented with interesting dilemmas about that. One of my students had to miss a rehearsal for family reasons and I wanted to assure her we’d work it out. I assured myself, had I actually gone to North Fork, she would not have gotten a response so really it was okay.

It was like the day someone came and rang my bell. It was actually a little scary because it sounded like someone had gotten in my front gate and was playing with my doorknob. I was in a sit at the time so I got to sit and notice my fear. It happened a second time maybe 15 minutes later. I made up a fun story in my head that one of my friends who knew I was sitting in my home did it to test me. :)