August 6, 2007: You done good, Ma!

You done good Ma. I’m changing the world, if only on a “small” scale right now (over 1030 students so far and growing). I have done the thing you and dad advised against — when I was young I wanted to be both an engineer and a teacher and unintentionally, I have become both. I combined that with self expression, artistry and meditation as well as entrepreneurialship and voila — here I am 5 years later, world renown, running the premier poi fire/flow dancing school that has been around the longest and, to the best of my knowledge, the only full time one around in the world today.

You undeniably made me who I am — in all the ways you encouraged and discouraged me. All the ways I fought you taught me; all the ways I listened to you taught me as well.

I feel grateful that you’re my Mother. You’re an amazing woman who is a ground breaking individual in her own right. I hope you know that is how I hold you in the world. You often inspire me.

I hope when you think of me you’re not too embarrassed by how weird/unusual I am. When I tell you that it is a gift in more people’s lives than you could count, I mean it. I have countless stories of how the mindset of and the school has changed people’s lives (have you ever read the Flowology Mindset?). One of my favorites is about how one of my students walked into her synchronized swim team meeting and one of her teammates who didn’t know about the Temple from her found the mindset on line and printed it out, asking the coach of the team to use it as a guideline for how they all played together. How cool is that to be putting it out on the internet and have some random person ask another person to use it as the official team philosophy?

I guess my point in all of this is that as I’ve written my will, I’ve reflected on all the times where we have not always seen eye to eye. Despite it all and in many ways because of it, I am who I am and where I am. Your clear and undeniable contribution to me being who I am spreads through the world as my work avails itself to more and more clients each day.

So I thank you for the gift it has been for me both in my own life and in the way I get to share it with other’s in their lives.

I imagine in the great ether of the universe we (the soul) may choose the parents whose lives we come into. I wonder why I choose (if in fact that happened) you and Dad sometimes — I often feel like my relationship with the family makes no sense.

But when I look at it through the eyes of the clarity of my work ethic, commitment to excellence, strength of will, leadership capabilities, brilliant mind, cognitive development, reasoning skills and the profound sense that it doesn’t matter what stands in my way I will make it happen, I’m clear much of that in me is a result of who and how you and Dad have been in my life.

So thanks. Which seems like such a small thing to say in response to all you’ve given to me. But sometimes appreciation, even this small, means something. And I wanted you to have that since hey, one never knows when the end will come.

Love love love!
The daughter (formerly known as) Lisa. :)

August 6: What is love?

I find this line of inquiry interesting. In my own experience for my world of “romance,” I question what the difference is between friends who have sex and romance. Romance seems like a consciously (at least where I'm coming from today) created game people play with each other in an effort to woo the other person... Wooing them for what is where the game lies I think. Don’t we do that with friends though, just to a lesser degree?

For me intimate relating comes down to love. Interestingly enough, I generally walk through the world and feel love for everyone. I modeled this out when I was 15 or so, though there are some updates as I write it now. I’ve thought of love as degrees of experience of love — from least to most:

hate (loving the life in a way such that one is closed to them, often from fear, disappointment, judgment, disapproval, disdain for their actions)

universal love (love of life and all things that are alive)

acquaintance love (those you’ve met and have more connection with than someone you haven’t)

familial/obligatory love (“those you should love”) which is not always to say that they are loved at that level — can be loved at a higher or lower level

student/teacher love – love of the dynamic that creates learning between you and another as you learn (as both student and teacher) and grow from the experience

friendship love — this has infinite gradients, really. I described it then as this thing where if you have a set of criteria in X domains (ways you value a person showing up be it in common values, hobbies, skills, ways of being, approach to the world and whatever else), a friend is someone who meets Y percent overall of your criteria (back then for me it was 80%); good friend meets Y+some %; best friend meets good friend + some %; etc.

kindred spirit love – is a new one for me over recent years and is what I think at 15 I felt was romantic love, so i’m replacing that spot in the model with a different name for it. For me, it is this place where we meet people who reflect us in ways such that we feel met at a level that almost feels “destined” -- and in a sense, touches into the unknown and indescribable sense of the mystery of love. I have experienced this in the context of “soul contracts” with another — a sense that our souls met in the great Kosmic nothingness and we made a contract to partner in these bodies in this life on this earth. This love, I have noticed, has us make non-rational choices because the draw of the “soul contract” trumps rationality which, for me, explains the completely non-rational aspects of looking in someone’s eyes and just falling into love with them. I think when this happens, there is a soul contract there.

At the time, I thought of “in love with” as the pinnacle of it all. In the last 5-7 years I evolved that thinking into the endless opening to the person, again and again, for who they are, as they are. Even if you “fall out of love,” which you can can do when you are closing, you can also “fall back in love with them” and this can vary moment to moment throughout the day/week/month/year/lifetime of the relationship. The depth of “in love” is about ones willingness to surrender into the truth of the being and i’ve noticed that even if I thought I was “as in love with someone as I could be,” as my capacities and self awareness increase, so does my ability to be more in love with someone.

Also, I could be in love with the man on the street I don’t know by accepting him fully as he is and allowing myself to be open to him even if I have no desire to draw him into a “higher” level of love. I dare say though the closer to kindred spirit love one experiences another, the more likely one is to be in love with them because the nature of being met (at least as I have experienced it in the world) has beings open to Other.

This was probably the first model I ever distinguished, now that I think about it. And I realize now that it is holonic in nature in my experience.

I also realize my experience of love is whacked by most people’s standards. This model explains why polyamory (and in a sense, polysexuality) have been so easy for me to embrace in my life -- I think because I can literally walk through my life being “in love” with everyone. This is a confusing experience to have when so many people reserve that term and limit who they will be in love with when in my world, I am most healthy when I feel in love with all things because I operate at a different vibration in the world. For me, this is the altered state of flow and when I access that space, I know only openness and love and I am at my best.

Anyone I call a good friend I have had at least one moment of being in love with them. And for me, if I’ve been in love with someone, I would consider being sexually involved with them — why wouldn’t I want to share that level of intimacy with them as well as all the others? Hence the boundary-less-ness of my (bi or should I say Try)sexuality because my sexual attraction to a being is directly derived from my love for them which is immediately informed by my openness to them in combination with the overlaps described in the model above. I notice that I see people’s spirit when I look at them (which is also what I see when I look in the mirror) so people’s physical form doesn’t really impact my sexual attraction. There is, often, a high correlations between someone’s own love of themselves and health and how they look physically, but it is incidental to and not what draws me to people or to be attracted to them sexually.

Hence romance doesn’t make much sense to me as romance seems like a construct for limiting relating, seeing as it is often about singling out people to be romantic with, rather than expanding it. For me. Hence my confusion about interacting in that context with people. :D

August 4, 2007: fire dancers stuck in the fire

I was on my way to a gig and we got caught in a fire -- rather there was a fire and traffic was stopped and the road was closed. We had to turn around and go back. That was fun and interesting.

I've never seen a natural fire that big before. Beautiful experience. And really humbling too. It was clear the fire had traveled pretty far because we could see where the fire department had put out the fire and where it was still moving.

It was so big. Made The Man burning look small. Very small. Very pale.

July 30: On the Radio!

I love technology! I love that I can sit in my bed naked and be on a talk show with a woman who is 2500 miles away, perhaps even sitting in her own home and that anyone on the web can listen to it! How awesome is that?

archive here:
http://blogtalkradio.com/coachkradio

July 21: Filming

I so love my life. I made this cool costume where the trim cost more than the clothes. I get to roll around in the dirt and play wth fire... ah, yes, there I go doing things I "shouldn't" be doing... hee hee...

June 23: Putting out at O'Hare

On my way to Liz and Devin's wedding. Sean will be here soon. I'm wearing the shirt the fire safety team wore for the 2007 Temple of Poi Fire Dancing Expo... well, modified a little. Should I put beads on it and make it really silly? Tamale said she won't be seen with me wearing that. Hmmm...

April 30: Flow Journal

- inverted thread the needle (mike)
- inside weave (noel)
- 1.5 weave
- pendulum weave
- tangle
- hyperloop
- airwrap
- inverted weave
- infinite weave
- split time flower 2x1 big/little petal
- hybrid antispin butterfly
- uhs bfly with lockout on side in split time.

April 29: Temple of Poi 2007 Fire Dancing Expo

A grand success, even if I did set my costume on fire. Ironically, none of the beginners did it but a bunch of the pros did. . .

April 28: GlitterGirl and Fire Friends on KRON TV

My second television experience! :)

April 7: Journey

I liked this. Speaks to the journey over the destination.


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become
by achieving your goals.
~ Zig Zigler ~

March 14: Voices

The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is happening outside.
~ Dag Hammarskjöld ~

March 9: Michael Crichton

We all can work ourselves into a hysterical panic over possibilities that we won't look at. What if I have cancer? What if my job is at risk? What if my kids are on drugs? What if I'm getting bald? What if I am faced with some terrible thing that I don't know how to deal with? And that hysteria always goes away the instant we are willing to hear the answer. Even if the answer is what we feared all along. Yes, you have cancer. Yes, your kids are on drugs. Hysteria accompanies an unwillingness to look at what is really going on; it promotes an unwillingness to look. We feel we are afraid to look, when actually it is not-looking that makes us afraid. The minute we look, we cease being afraid.
~ Michael Crichton, Travels ~

March 2: Going to DC

I love my new MacBook Pro...

February 24: Wisdom

I'd like to share a little about _Wisdom_, as I understand it just now. Perhaps it will give you joy in some way -- I imagine especially those who have done Arete.

I have for years considered doing Arete. First, because of a completion party I was at (also my first professionally paid fire dancing gig) at which I met Travis. At the party, Marcella came up to me and said something that I would categorize now as poignantly honest. It was some insight about my social awkwardness and it was delivered with such innocence and love, it really made me curious about the Arete experience. You see, Marcella was answering my question about Arete, "What is it?"

Bryan did it, then Travis. Then a series of people I really respect and love. Then I felt pressured to do it. Then I felt judged at some point -- I'm sure it was my hallucination. Then I felt on the outside. Then I wasn't hanging out with so many folks in the Arete community. Then I returned to see many from that community who thought I had done it.

I've had an interesting relationship with attending and not attending for at least 5 years now. What strikes me about it is the idea of "being open" and what that means.

My greatest sense of openness shows up for me when I play with flow toys. Over the years, I've been integrating that flow into the rest of my life, working towards greater openness... Sensing that was better for me somehow but not really knowing why.

The past 36 hours has been fairly packed and intense for me. It included having the great pleasure of celebrating the inspirational life of a dear friend as well as the amazing gift of educating a 14 year young woman who flew in with her uncle to take a poi intensive with me.

The experiences was touching and concluded with me getting to witness Aria perform a little piece of choreography, most of which she couldn't do 36 hours ago. Then her uncle Joey gave me a gift.

It was wrapped in brown paper with GlitterGirl written on it and there was a heart over the "I" -- I was touched by that because I just decided how to sign "isa" on paper in the past few weeks: I am putting a heart as the "dot" on the "I".

I walked out of the building with the beautiful gift and got swept up into a hilarious series of misunderstandings with a good friend resulting in the expected expenditure of about $50. I thought that was a bummer.

Yet I maintained a good spirit, stayed in my center pretty well (at least by self-to-self comparison) and, to my great joy, remained _open_. I found my way home finally and kicked back to open the gift.

It is a beautiful book called Wisdom: 365 Thoughts from Indian Masters by Danielle and Olivier Foolmi.

I didn't notice at first, but there was a very beautiful thank you note and tip inside the book on the page with today's date on it. The amount? $50. Perfection I thought.

And then it got better. I sat there reading some of the quotes, thinking how awesome Joey was and reflecting on the craziness of the last 36 hours of my life.

Then I intentionally made myself open -- for the first time in my life I recall feeling completely at choice about my ability to open, particularly in the face of lots of things that in the past would have had me close.

Because of this, my understanding of openness has completely shifted... I realized it as I was reading a passage ("In nature, action and reaction are continuous. Everything is connected to everything else. No one part, nothing, is isolated. Everything is linked and interdependent. Everywhere everything is connected to everything else. Each question receives the correct answer" - Svami Prajnanpad) of _Wisdom_:

Being able to choose openness in every moment is freedom.

It is the freedom to choose to remain open when I might otherwise unconsciously close. I imagine it must be enlightenment.

I also can see so clearly so many ways in which I resist opening -- like resisting Arete for so long. . . which I am grateful I will be doing in May.

February 19: KRNV TV Appearance

KRNV reporter Adriana Banovich covers the surge of poi fire dancing in the Reno, NV area, featuring Reno's premier poi troupe, Controlled Burn with supporting audio from moi, Temple of Poi founder, Isa "GlitterGirl' Isaacs and footage of Hunter and I from the Temple of Poi 2006 Fire Dancing Expo. My first television appearance! whoo hoo!

February 14: Try...

"Try everything twice -- the first time might have been a fluke" - Mom

February 5: Perfection...

The true perfection of man lies, not in what man has, but in what man is....Nothing should be able to harm a man but himself....What is outside of him should be a matter of no importance.
~ Oscar Wilde ~

February 5: Right Answer

By the time the average person finishes college he or she will have taken over 2,600 tests, quizzes and exams. The 'right answer' approach becomes deeply ingrained in our thinking. Life is ambiguous; there are many right answers-all depending on what you are looking for. But if you think there is only one right answer, then you'll stop looking as soon as you find one.
~ Roger von Oech ~

WWYD?

How would you feel if you friend told you they just tested HIV+?

January 1: Happy 2007

I had a fascinating new year's eve. I had a gig that I accepted for less money than I would normally require. Why? Ultimately, because of my (unfounded) fear of not being able to pay my rent.

I arrived at the site and within minutes fell in a construction ditch (about a 4-5 foot blind drop -- didn't see the hole because it was dark) while surveying the performance area on the other side of the construction zone. The client led us there, in case you're wondering.

I sprained my finger (and put more pressure on the finger I had two days earlier dislocated in practice for a show I'm doing) and sustains some bruises and abrasions on my rather ample butt. Apart from that, I walked away from the accident laughing about it. It was, objectively, funny even if my subjective experience included injury, pain and discomfort. Surveying the situation, I consider myself lucky in that I could have fallen onto some rebar or broken my leg or twisted my ankle and had some really serious injuries.

Anyway, the client hadn't provided an appropriate area for managing our fuel and set us up in the neighbors driveway -- fairly close to the ditch I fell in with the performance area just on the other side of that. The neighbor was understandably upset and confronted us -- he was not pleased we had fuel in his lot near wood and was naturally concerned that an accident might lead to a fire. So after setting up and getting everything ready for our first performance (this means soaking all our tools which we'd passed through the construction area to our safety person), we had to pack up our gear and move
it to the sidewalk in the front of the house.

By this point, we'd missed the performance window -- we were supposed to go on for our first set before midnight but the delays made this impossible. Some time later we performed our first set using live music rather than the music I had spent 5 hours editing for our intended show. The tools wouldn't light well at that point. Why? The fuel had evaporated because we'd been waiting so long.

Our second set was more of the same, with the client refusing to tell the DJ to play our music when the DJ wouldn't do so. During the second set, I slipped on the carpet outside -- a wet green leaf got under my shoe. I'm told I made it look like a break dancing move. Not bad for a sore girl with swollen fingers and a bruised bottom. ;)

While we did not perform the show we'd intended, we did perform an amazing show and earned ~15% tip from the client.

In the 5 years I have been a professional fire dancer I have never had a client fail to meet so many of the agreements of our contract nor have I had an experience laden with so many difficulties.

Upon reflection, it seems like a blessed experience. Those who witnessed my first fall indicated they were concerned they would be transporting me to SF General -- not just the client, but the other dancers and witnesses present. I then performed two fabulous sets in the face of all sorts of opposition and earned a tip from the client.

I imagine 10 years ago I might have looked at this experience as a sign that the new year would be fraught with challenges -- a "bad sign" about the things to come.

Now, thankfully, my world is different. I was inspired becayse as we were leaving the venue, one witness went so far as to say I must be a special being to be able to walk away laughing from something like that when I could have ended up injured in the hospital, let alone performing the way I had.

I am grateful to say it seems more natural for me to view this event as a sign that the new year will be filled with the ability to flow through challenges and walk away with a smile on my face, laughter in my voice, and abundance in my pocket... even in the face of obstacles that quite literally will drag me down than the less positive perspective I might have had 10
years ago.

What I learned I offer you now as follows:

May 2007 bring you all you desire, including the resources to laugh when you are down, the strength to pick yourself up and keep going in the face of that which you hadn't planned being foist upon you, the will to move through the pain that can sometimes stop you in your tracks and the capacity to remind yourself just how great a joy all that you have really is.