after getting rubbed out on day two and taped up on day 3 and riding 42 miles the day before, i thought i'd be okay today. but not so much. after about 4 miles of very shallow up hill, my left quad was in agony. beyond belief. on a pain scale it was probably a solid 8 on a scale of 1 to 10, so i found myself on the side of the road crying in pain, waiting for the sweep vehicle to come by and pick me up and take me to the next rest stop, or rather, the first rest stop.
another rider, clearly not okay with leaving me alone on the side of the road crying, stayed with me until the truck came. Pulling into the rest stop 20 minutes later, i iced myself up, put on the biofreeze and considered what to do. with "the evil twins" ahead followed by mostly flats along the cost, in the afternoon, i wanted to go on. Plus, the twins represented the half way point in the ride -- and it seemed that would be good for my mind at least. but there were 23 miles between this rest stop and the next and only 2 hours to make it with those two nasty climbs. the decent off the second twin, i was told, was something like the decent coming over 92 on the first day which was a 7% grade and kind of scary. and this one i was told had more cross winds. But i really wanted to enjoy the second half of the day... so... i pulled it together and headed out of the rest stop with only 2 riders behind me and the caboose (this is the vehicle that follows the last rider to make sure everyone pulls into camp at night) hot on my trail.
I walked the first climb, talking to Jo (yet another wonderful woman who really made the experience seem so much easier) who got out of the caboose to keep me company. we shared stories... i told her almost immediately about why i was riding... for my friend who was diagnosed HIV+ and then 20 days later in the hospital on what we thought might be her death bed. Jo shared her nightmare -- one i've also had -- of waking up one day to find myself infected. It was clear that this ride, as much of a personal challenge as it may be, really creates so much more in the numbers of people who see us out there and the education that arises from it.
as i went and when i hit the peak, Jo encouraged me to ride it, and ride it hard i did, going as far as i could before my quad gave out. i passed a few riders, so i was no longer last, but then i hit the second twin and they passed me right up. as i was nearing the peak, i figured i'd ride over the top... Just as i was gaining momentum, up ahead i saw one of the most beautiful sights of the ride. this woman, who was struggling to ride, was being pushed on either side of her by two other riders on the Midnight Ridazz team. it was so beautiful i didn't even try to pass, thinking if i did i would break their momentum. i knew i could start again, but i really wasn't sure if she could... so i got off my bike, walked and waited till they past the peak before getting on again.
And then the big downhill. wow! intense. beautiful. 6% grade, scary stuff at 30 MPH... again confronting my fears of the downhill as well as the cliffs on the sides... and cross wind gusts picking up here and there... geez... what a scary thing. I continued along, going through a few rollers and then i hit the flat at the bottom where there was a cross wind so intense i actually kept getting blow into the lane. with the caboose hot on my ass, i got off the bike and got swept up into the next rest stop. it was closing. quick pee and water refill plus a super fast snack and boom, on the road again for one of the most beautiful legs of the trip along the coast.
I was surprised i'd made it this far, and with only 6.1 miles to rest stop three, i decided to try and meet up with Jim and Frankie again.
My first scary moment of the day was with the cross winds, but that pales in comparison to the treachery of the car who mistakenly got in the on ramp lane to our right and wanted into our lane, somehow not really seeing a string of bicyclists i guess. There were probably about 18 of us in the pack... all but 4 of us pulled out in a line, but the person 4 up from me didn't pull out with confidence and the BMW just started going. I was glad i had extra space between me and the rider in front of me because it was everyone stopping quickly with no time to call out.
I met up with the riders at rest stop 3 and assured them it wasn't their fault -- i'd seen it all well since i was at the back of the pack. the drive just wasn't yielding the right of way to us as s/he should have.
having broken yesterday's record for the 2nd longest ride i'd done, pulling in a cool 47 miles, i decided to head in on the SAG bus and give the quad a break. with three more days of riding, i wanted to save up for day 5 and actually complete a day, since it was the shortest ride of the trip. Pulling into camp, i went back to see Cha and got more taping, then met up with the Mills (former students from years ago) and had a great conversation with them as we rolled ourselves out. shower, conversation with Atreyu and bed... ready for red dress day!
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
day 3: quad buster: The best of my ability in this moment
Today started out strong. i became a bicyclist in the first leg of the day, for the first time really feeling the cadence of the pedals and understanding a rhythm. i passed a lot of people on the ride to the first rest stop and rode out really strong. it felt good after two days of riding so little. the first 8 miles was great. but alas, the next leg was the actual quad buster... a long steep hill that just seems to be endless.
No worries... i rode out from the first rest stop and headed up the hill. too steep for me with my pained quad, i decided to simply walk what i needed to. they call those of us walking up the hill "cross trainers" -- and really, it's good because there's a lot more use of the hamstring walking the bike up the hill than the overuse of the quad riding up the hill.
I stopped along the way, under a tree and had one of my coolest moments of the ride. sipping some water, a rider was pulling up with literally hundreds more behind... I called out to the rider -- "good job! you can do it!" and the rider, while exerting a lot of effort, gave me a half smile. so i cheered on another rider... and that rider responded, and suddenly i found myself in this feedback loop where i was cheering riders on -- hundreds of them, literally -- and they were grateful for it. I started saying anything i could think of to inspire them... "yes you can!" and "Good job!" and "looking strong" and "you can do it" and then, before i knew it, i was yelling to them, saying, "you are doing an amazing thing right now! thank you for inspiring me!" and i found myself tearfully cheering them on.
they returned the favor as i was cross training up the hill, passing me and encouraging me back.
One of the Schwab team members -- this is a group of people who rode the hill 5 times to inspire others each time as they went up -- had passed me a few times. and as he was going by, i said, "go rider! you are doing it!" and he turned to me and said, "so are you!" and i said, "to the best of my ability in this moment" and he said, "that is all you can ever do..."
That moment was one of the most inspiring moments of my life and reminded me of what life is really about: the best of my ability in each moment.
==
the downhill was pretty sweet. i think the sweetest of the ride, actually. zipping down without winds at 30+ MPH passing people, feeling good and finally getting some miles on my legs, i felt good pulling into the second rest stop. next it was rest stop three. I hadn't made it there yet... that morning, Jim/Sparky had sent me a text message telling me it was within reach that day... and, well, i found myself finally making it to rest stop 3, i got to see Sparky and Frankie for the first time on the route. I hung out with them way too long though and was soon finding the rest stop closing and again, the caboose on my ass. So i rode on... my quad still in pain. Rode on 101 for the first time, for just a short mile or so... and then I rode into bradley where i completed my second longest ride and allowed myself to get taken in for the day on the SAG bus. 42 miles of riding... on a bad quad. good feeling about that, for sure.
Bradley is a small town of about 500, at least i think that is what the sign said. Each year, they do a BBQ and host the ALC riders where the funds they raise from what we pay for food -- optionally of course -- is used to fund the kids of their community going to college and on excursions to enrich their lives. hard not to be touched by the experience.
at lunch i went to sports medicine where they said i should see Cha, a kinesio taper, who would tape my leg to assist in supporting the muscles that needed help. with that in mind, i got on the SAG bus where i met Bobby, a man who served in the military in the early 90's. When he came back from overseas, he was later diagnosed with a brain tumor -- chemical warfare poisoning is the though. The man has a lemon size tumor in his head and is on 26 different medications and is riding the ALC. It is impossible to not be inspired by that dedication. We had a great conversation and wonderful connection and i have to say, that simply led to perspective shift.
Pulling into the Mid State fair grounds, it was lovely weather. Off to sports med where i went to see Cha, an amazing healer from Austin, Tx. it turns out i had just met her daughter at Sparky's rest stop. small world. The taping relieved the pain. off to the showers, some poi in the line, cool conversations, stretching, dinner, sleep... preparation for the next day. Ah, the evil twins on a long day. egads...
I also discovered today that my odometer is off by about .5 miles per 10 miles of travel... meaning if it said i travelled 10, i actually travelled 10.5. that means i've done more miles than i think. i'll adjust that at the end.
No worries... i rode out from the first rest stop and headed up the hill. too steep for me with my pained quad, i decided to simply walk what i needed to. they call those of us walking up the hill "cross trainers" -- and really, it's good because there's a lot more use of the hamstring walking the bike up the hill than the overuse of the quad riding up the hill.
I stopped along the way, under a tree and had one of my coolest moments of the ride. sipping some water, a rider was pulling up with literally hundreds more behind... I called out to the rider -- "good job! you can do it!" and the rider, while exerting a lot of effort, gave me a half smile. so i cheered on another rider... and that rider responded, and suddenly i found myself in this feedback loop where i was cheering riders on -- hundreds of them, literally -- and they were grateful for it. I started saying anything i could think of to inspire them... "yes you can!" and "Good job!" and "looking strong" and "you can do it" and then, before i knew it, i was yelling to them, saying, "you are doing an amazing thing right now! thank you for inspiring me!" and i found myself tearfully cheering them on.
they returned the favor as i was cross training up the hill, passing me and encouraging me back.
One of the Schwab team members -- this is a group of people who rode the hill 5 times to inspire others each time as they went up -- had passed me a few times. and as he was going by, i said, "go rider! you are doing it!" and he turned to me and said, "so are you!" and i said, "to the best of my ability in this moment" and he said, "that is all you can ever do..."
That moment was one of the most inspiring moments of my life and reminded me of what life is really about: the best of my ability in each moment.
==
the downhill was pretty sweet. i think the sweetest of the ride, actually. zipping down without winds at 30+ MPH passing people, feeling good and finally getting some miles on my legs, i felt good pulling into the second rest stop. next it was rest stop three. I hadn't made it there yet... that morning, Jim/Sparky had sent me a text message telling me it was within reach that day... and, well, i found myself finally making it to rest stop 3, i got to see Sparky and Frankie for the first time on the route. I hung out with them way too long though and was soon finding the rest stop closing and again, the caboose on my ass. So i rode on... my quad still in pain. Rode on 101 for the first time, for just a short mile or so... and then I rode into bradley where i completed my second longest ride and allowed myself to get taken in for the day on the SAG bus. 42 miles of riding... on a bad quad. good feeling about that, for sure.
Bradley is a small town of about 500, at least i think that is what the sign said. Each year, they do a BBQ and host the ALC riders where the funds they raise from what we pay for food -- optionally of course -- is used to fund the kids of their community going to college and on excursions to enrich their lives. hard not to be touched by the experience.
at lunch i went to sports medicine where they said i should see Cha, a kinesio taper, who would tape my leg to assist in supporting the muscles that needed help. with that in mind, i got on the SAG bus where i met Bobby, a man who served in the military in the early 90's. When he came back from overseas, he was later diagnosed with a brain tumor -- chemical warfare poisoning is the though. The man has a lemon size tumor in his head and is on 26 different medications and is riding the ALC. It is impossible to not be inspired by that dedication. We had a great conversation and wonderful connection and i have to say, that simply led to perspective shift.
Pulling into the Mid State fair grounds, it was lovely weather. Off to sports med where i went to see Cha, an amazing healer from Austin, Tx. it turns out i had just met her daughter at Sparky's rest stop. small world. The taping relieved the pain. off to the showers, some poi in the line, cool conversations, stretching, dinner, sleep... preparation for the next day. Ah, the evil twins on a long day. egads...
I also discovered today that my odometer is off by about .5 miles per 10 miles of travel... meaning if it said i travelled 10, i actually travelled 10.5. that means i've done more miles than i think. i'll adjust that at the end.
day 3 rideout
leg feels betterish. With only 43 miles total on my bike I'm ready to try the infamous quadbusters hill. Up early, out just after 7. We shall see. Today I want to make rest stop 3 where jim and frank and franks mom are. It is only 31 miles out but after the 1000 foot assent...
day 2 part 2
jeremey and I drop into deep conversation and I finally feel a sense of belonging in thisassive moving city. Intense. We go to dinner and I take my first mead with friends. I meet other friends of his and hear Moks story - hit by a car ilona a training ride two weeks earner. What?!? And you walked away? And your here?
See Boston. Hugs. Announcements. Stories. Tears. How we are making a difference. $500 from a coffee shop in route. $3.42 donated by a group of strawberry pickers. Touching. More tears. And then I see frankie and jim and spend. Embracing Jim and sobbing in his arms I realize why he does this and I hold him with so Manu emotions within me. Joy, understanding, compassion, gratitude, love, and a sense of family from one of my dearest friends. After giving him the week off for 4 years to do this, I can no longer see it as a scheduling inconvenience; it is so much more than I could ever understand before being here.
Mark said it to me years ago that nothing binds people together like the shared experience of an ordeal. So true.
See Boston. Hugs. Announcements. Stories. Tears. How we are making a difference. $500 from a coffee shop in route. $3.42 donated by a group of strawberry pickers. Touching. More tears. And then I see frankie and jim and spend. Embracing Jim and sobbing in his arms I realize why he does this and I hold him with so Manu emotions within me. Joy, understanding, compassion, gratitude, love, and a sense of family from one of my dearest friends. After giving him the week off for 4 years to do this, I can no longer see it as a scheduling inconvenience; it is so much more than I could ever understand before being here.
Mark said it to me years ago that nothing binds people together like the shared experience of an ordeal. So true.
day 2 part 2
Jeremey and I drop into deep conversation and I finally feel a sense of belonging in thisassive moving city. Intense. We go to dinner and I take my first mead with friends. I meet other friends of his and hear Moks story - hit by a car ilona a training ride two weeks earner. What?!? And you walked away? And your here?
See Boston. Hugs. Announcements. Stories. Tears. How we are making a difference. $500 from a coffee shop in route. $3.42 donated by a group of strawberry pickers. Touching. More tears. And then I see frankie and jim and spend. Embracing Jim and sobbing in his arms I realize why he does this and I hold him with so Manu emotions within me. Joy, understanding, compassion, gratitude, love, and a sense of family from one of my dearest friends. After giving him the week off for 4 years to do this, I can no longer see it as a scheduling inconvenience; it is so much more than I could ever understand before being here.
Mark said it to me years ago that nothing binds people together like the shared experience of an ordeal. So true.
See Boston. Hugs. Announcements. Stories. Tears. How we are making a difference. $500 from a coffee shop in route. $3.42 donated by a group of strawberry pickers. Touching. More tears. And then I see frankie and jim and spend. Embracing Jim and sobbing in his arms I realize why he does this and I hold him with so Manu emotions within me. Joy, understanding, compassion, gratitude, love, and a sense of family from one of my dearest friends. After giving him the week off for 4 years to do this, I can no longer see it as a scheduling inconvenience; it is so much more than I could ever understand before being here.
Mark said it to me years ago that nothing binds people together like the shared experience of an ordeal. So true.
Monday, June 02, 2008
day 2 part 1
left quad a mess; so tight after only 20 miles of relatively easy. Sweep to rest stop 1 where medical says to stop for the day, that my IT bandis screwed up. I guess they figures I didnt know the difference between my quad and IT band. They SAG (support and gear) (the folks that take u back to camp not the sweep people who take u to the next rest area) me first to lunch. My second encounter representing the antithesis of the event where I get judges harshly by some (what can best be decribed as) "queeny" guy ad his friends who were bitching shot how big the ride was before they turned their judgement to me.
Annoyed and befuddled, I return to the SAG bus where I proceed to have a series of amazing experiences - laughter, shared stories, meeting cheryl (a police seargent from Florida whose spirit moved me), and countless interactions with people that reminded me of the greater good of the experence. Beutiful people all touched by the spread of the completely preventable disease. People committed to prevention and education. People willing to rode so thousands, 10's of thousands, if not millions after all the press, hear about the disease so they can talk about it before it spreads. This is a preventable situation and silence is the enemy.
Getting into camp it is really clear to me the reap heroes are the roadies who work their asses off to serve the riders so the riders can make a visual statement in their profound numbers riding these 545 miles. Sports medicine treats me where Jo, the captain of the team, clearly a leader, holds space, works on me, multitasks, and leads with clear competence I can actually relax. I don't often feel like I can relax when I am paying for regular services so what a treat that is. I walk out with a leg which is finally less contracted and a bit bruised and sore. But better.
Annoyed and befuddled, I return to the SAG bus where I proceed to have a series of amazing experiences - laughter, shared stories, meeting cheryl (a police seargent from Florida whose spirit moved me), and countless interactions with people that reminded me of the greater good of the experence. Beutiful people all touched by the spread of the completely preventable disease. People committed to prevention and education. People willing to rode so thousands, 10's of thousands, if not millions after all the press, hear about the disease so they can talk about it before it spreads. This is a preventable situation and silence is the enemy.
Getting into camp it is really clear to me the reap heroes are the roadies who work their asses off to serve the riders so the riders can make a visual statement in their profound numbers riding these 545 miles. Sports medicine treats me where Jo, the captain of the team, clearly a leader, holds space, works on me, multitasks, and leads with clear competence I can actually relax. I don't often feel like I can relax when I am paying for regular services so what a treat that is. I walk out with a leg which is finally less contracted and a bit bruised and sore. But better.
opening ceremonies, night 1, morning day 2
11 hours of sleep in the cold, wet outdoors really helped! Condensation inside and out of our tent. Wet wet wet. Water dripping on me in the middle of the night. And waking feeling so much better, stronger in mind and body. Getting ready in camp, reminded at the pain I felt when the crowd boo'd at opening ceremonies for when the talked about even repulicans riding: how is that judgement any different than the stigma toward hiv+ people? Painful. Sooo grateful to have Ayreyu there to love me up and see me off. A powerful partner through whom I find more power. I think back to his words before I left. I told him this was a vision quest. He wished me a safe journey, hoping it illuminated things for me. Remembering the moment I saw the light, I was renewed leaving camp.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
day 1
first, no Internet in camp, so glad for my iPhone and this will be brief to save battery.
Biggest hill I could imagine. I am not sure I have hiked something that steep going on 92 to highway 1... Walked a lot of the hill; first water stop 30 minutes before close; next stop leaving only 2 minutes before close; next stop I pull in after clocking my second longest ride to date at about 31 miles. My left quad tighter than I can believe. Need rest. 9 minutes to decide- ride or take the bus. Mom's voice rang clear - rest when you need to. Took the bus.
Rather emotional with too little sleep and the both emotional and physical ups and downs of the day. Crying up the hill at mile 11; most amazing high I can describe hitting 30+ mph a few miles later; the head game of the ego as people pass; dealing with me fear of heights on the parts of the terrain with gulches/cliffs; supportive words as I pass others and others me; literally seeing the light coming around a turn to a most amazing view if nature as I had an all too fleeting moment of clarity: this is why I'm here to be on the challenge of the journey. Beautiful. Fleeting. ;)
Out of resources, tired and run down. Bed at 6:30 pm. Sore left quad but my ass feels fine!
Biggest hill I could imagine. I am not sure I have hiked something that steep going on 92 to highway 1... Walked a lot of the hill; first water stop 30 minutes before close; next stop leaving only 2 minutes before close; next stop I pull in after clocking my second longest ride to date at about 31 miles. My left quad tighter than I can believe. Need rest. 9 minutes to decide- ride or take the bus. Mom's voice rang clear - rest when you need to. Took the bus.
Rather emotional with too little sleep and the both emotional and physical ups and downs of the day. Crying up the hill at mile 11; most amazing high I can describe hitting 30+ mph a few miles later; the head game of the ego as people pass; dealing with me fear of heights on the parts of the terrain with gulches/cliffs; supportive words as I pass others and others me; literally seeing the light coming around a turn to a most amazing view if nature as I had an all too fleeting moment of clarity: this is why I'm here to be on the challenge of the journey. Beautiful. Fleeting. ;)
Out of resources, tired and run down. Bed at 6:30 pm. Sore left quad but my ass feels fine!
holy toxin release batman!
at least i slept last night. and, i'm still fighting some cold... sweating in my sleep and waking up to visit the toilet a lot. I hope that's all just a good sign! at least i feel strong... so glad this is starting.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
check-in. 4.5 hours...
...lots of lines... wrist bands... tags... and unfortunate inefficiencies that really triggered me! LOL. a very receptive staff, open to feedback on how to improve. grateful for that.
getting home to finish packing... up most of the night sick last night. my body knows the change is coming. so coming. upon me. 2.5 hours of sleep. want to be in bed by 6 pm tonight so i can get up early... have to be at the cow palace at 5 am. yikes.
and then the love. such beautiful messages of support from my friends and family. reflections of me that i never knew were how people saw me. Mark... geez... i can't even possibly describe how beautiful your message was... not to diminish all the other messages... simply that his was, in a sense, most shocking. I cried. it was beautiful. thank you for that gift my dear friend.
i feel blessed. challenged. on a vision quest. and, completely uncomfortable in my skin. this too shall pass... right Adam?
getting home to finish packing... up most of the night sick last night. my body knows the change is coming. so coming. upon me. 2.5 hours of sleep. want to be in bed by 6 pm tonight so i can get up early... have to be at the cow palace at 5 am. yikes.
and then the love. such beautiful messages of support from my friends and family. reflections of me that i never knew were how people saw me. Mark... geez... i can't even possibly describe how beautiful your message was... not to diminish all the other messages... simply that his was, in a sense, most shocking. I cried. it was beautiful. thank you for that gift my dear friend.
i feel blessed. challenged. on a vision quest. and, completely uncomfortable in my skin. this too shall pass... right Adam?
Friday, May 30, 2008
Liz Rocks!
Liz and I had such a great conversation today. i know it will be really great to have her as my tent mate. I'm glad to have someone so positive that i can relate to. it felt good to know my nightmare won't come true!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
It's all Mom's fault
Mom sent me the coolest email today. i cried when i read it -- spontaneously bursting into tears because in all my 39 years, i have never felt so supported by my Mom as i did in that moment. Her email was so beautiful, including all the things you'd want your mom to say to you, especially the perfect reminders of exactly what i needed to read:
Just a note to wish you well on your AIDS/Lifecycle ride. I’m sure you have trained as hard as you could given your busy schedule. You have undertaken a worthwhile challenge, and, as you always do with a challenge, I am sure you will give it your best.
Now for the expected “mommyisms”: don’t forget your sunscreen, drink plenty of water, rest when you are to tired to go on, and “put on a sweater because I’m cold”. Our love and thoughts will be with you on the ride and we’ll check out the website starting on June 2.
So, the reason I put this stuff up in the blog was so that Mom would have something to read when she got here on June 2. Thanks for reminding me that even though I am choosing to do this on my own with a group of strangers, i really am not alone and my family and friends are with me, if not in person, in thought, as i make this journey.
I love you Mom.
Just a note to wish you well on your AIDS/Lifecycle ride. I’m sure you have trained as hard as you could given your busy schedule. You have undertaken a worthwhile challenge, and, as you always do with a challenge, I am sure you will give it your best.
Now for the expected “mommyisms”: don’t forget your sunscreen, drink plenty of water, rest when you are to tired to go on, and “put on a sweater because I’m cold”. Our love and thoughts will be with you on the ride and we’ll check out the website starting on June 2.
So, the reason I put this stuff up in the blog was so that Mom would have something to read when she got here on June 2. Thanks for reminding me that even though I am choosing to do this on my own with a group of strangers, i really am not alone and my family and friends are with me, if not in person, in thought, as i make this journey.
I love you Mom.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Reconnecting, take II
Boston gave me some great support this morning. I'm glad he's also doing the ride.
And, it was great to see Decker today. more reflection from someone who has known me for 7.5 years, having seen me through some of the most massive of changes i've made in my life... my name change, leaving my corporate job... and, as i told him about my new perspective and my willingness to be picked up and almost a resigned state of thinking i just was barely going to ride, he suggested (so brilliantly), that I allow myself to be surprised. I think for the first time since the 58 mile ride i saw it as possible that i might actually be able to do most of the ride.
ah, hope returns.
And, it was great to see Decker today. more reflection from someone who has known me for 7.5 years, having seen me through some of the most massive of changes i've made in my life... my name change, leaving my corporate job... and, as i told him about my new perspective and my willingness to be picked up and almost a resigned state of thinking i just was barely going to ride, he suggested (so brilliantly), that I allow myself to be surprised. I think for the first time since the 58 mile ride i saw it as possible that i might actually be able to do most of the ride.
ah, hope returns.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
reconnecting...
I first found the Burning Man community through my old tribe, the Illuminaughty. I went to a party last night where i got to spend a lot of time with that group of people. it was interesting. i felt at home. it was good to see so many of my friends.. especially Dom who has known me 10 years -- longer than anyone in California. i think about the dozens of people i know and it was interesting to have them reflect me and my transformation. I had some interesting conversations with Geoff and Jim and Amy and Lisa and Jeff (not to mention dress up with Shana, Rikki and the other girls at Shana's place), and some great connection with Shannon. A lot of the conversation had me see how they have seen me grow.
There's nothing like going back to your roots to see where you've been to help you realize how far you've come. It was an extraordinary experience and really reminded me that this journey is perfect, just as it is.
There's nothing like going back to your roots to see where you've been to help you realize how far you've come. It was an extraordinary experience and really reminded me that this journey is perfect, just as it is.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Jim and Frankie
Jim is the person who told me about the ride first -- he had to take time off from the Temple to go on the Ride. His partner Frankie's birthday was this weekend. I got to speak to Frankie today and it was really interesting to hear how certain he is i can do the ride. He was so supportive. i love that about him.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I don't want to do this!
resistance. wow. i spent the day crying, avoiding picking up the bike.
at some point though, i relaxed into the experience and changed my perspective. instead of wanting to ride a certain amount, i decided the entire exploration was really about being with and in my body, giving myself 1 full week of time to simply focus on being on an exploration with total strangers and no computer to rely on so i could step into the unknown and face the demons of my inner self.
my new goal is to not have a goal in terms of miles (even though i had said after the 58 miles last week that i would be happy with 250 miles) and just be in my body, be okay with being picked up by the support van, and just listening to the communication from my body while compassionately loving myself through the process. wow. a big shift for me and something i've never done.
that said, i'm clear that endurance training and weight loss, given my current knowledge about nutrition, is not compatible for me. So, i have a new goal. on June 11 when i'm back from the ride i am going to start the Body for Life challenge. my outrageous goal is to lose 40 pounds... my realistic and still incredibly challenging goal is to lose 30 pounds and 15% body fat. i think those numbers can win. i could use the prize money!
Atreyu is away... i hope he'll support me.
at some point though, i relaxed into the experience and changed my perspective. instead of wanting to ride a certain amount, i decided the entire exploration was really about being with and in my body, giving myself 1 full week of time to simply focus on being on an exploration with total strangers and no computer to rely on so i could step into the unknown and face the demons of my inner self.
my new goal is to not have a goal in terms of miles (even though i had said after the 58 miles last week that i would be happy with 250 miles) and just be in my body, be okay with being picked up by the support van, and just listening to the communication from my body while compassionately loving myself through the process. wow. a big shift for me and something i've never done.
that said, i'm clear that endurance training and weight loss, given my current knowledge about nutrition, is not compatible for me. So, i have a new goal. on June 11 when i'm back from the ride i am going to start the Body for Life challenge. my outrageous goal is to lose 40 pounds... my realistic and still incredibly challenging goal is to lose 30 pounds and 15% body fat. i think those numbers can win. i could use the prize money!
Atreyu is away... i hope he'll support me.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Hmmm... i wonder how to check if i did the right thing with the flat?
glad i have a tune up on tuesday and the brakes being installed!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
yippie!
3:30 am. can't sleep. watch a movie. still can't sleep. 5:45, i decide to go for a ride. Bay to Breakers is today... No problem, i can ride past the mess of traffic and ride around it.
I'm geared up with my warmest stuff... 53 degrees outside and foggy and overcast. a typical pre-sunrise moment in SF to be sure. Yippie! i get on the bike and whoo hoo! i feel good. i'm so glad i'm riding. maybe i'll do 30 miles today. i can try. it's early. i can still get back in time to go out dancing with Atreyu. I'll take the hard route in the beginning -- doing a few hills, including 2 the map indicates as 10-18%. 5 miles in and i'm feeling good, on the straightaway of the Embarcaderro. I love this part of the ride.
up on the sidewalk... woah! what's going on...? Oh NO! i have a flat! Hmmm... I've never changed a flat before.
digging in my bag under my seat, i pull out the requisite tools... remembering my father fixing the flats in our tires as a child and thinking back to how he did things as best i could -- grateful for my super detailed memory of things -- 45 minutes later, the tube had been replaced. pumping 120 pounds with the little hand pump was simply not happening, so... i went back home. at 9 am, i'm.
well, at least i put in 6+ miles and now i know how to change a flat!
I'm geared up with my warmest stuff... 53 degrees outside and foggy and overcast. a typical pre-sunrise moment in SF to be sure. Yippie! i get on the bike and whoo hoo! i feel good. i'm so glad i'm riding. maybe i'll do 30 miles today. i can try. it's early. i can still get back in time to go out dancing with Atreyu. I'll take the hard route in the beginning -- doing a few hills, including 2 the map indicates as 10-18%. 5 miles in and i'm feeling good, on the straightaway of the Embarcaderro. I love this part of the ride.
up on the sidewalk... woah! what's going on...? Oh NO! i have a flat! Hmmm... I've never changed a flat before.
digging in my bag under my seat, i pull out the requisite tools... remembering my father fixing the flats in our tires as a child and thinking back to how he did things as best i could -- grateful for my super detailed memory of things -- 45 minutes later, the tube had been replaced. pumping 120 pounds with the little hand pump was simply not happening, so... i went back home. at 9 am, i'm.
well, at least i put in 6+ miles and now i know how to change a flat!
another ride?!? 2 in one day?
Yes! i'm using the bike as a commute vehicle again. To Sioux's place and back, with a little extra. wow! i put in 13 miles again today. that wasn't much work at all. :)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
yeah! i commuted with my bike
Sadly, the commuting represents my 3rd longest ride to date... but the good news is i put on 13.4 miles doing my things around town. wow! today was the first day i did a night ride -- back from the Temple to my home after helping Kendra light fire for the first time.
The accomplishment is profound though -- i actually achieved my goal of using my bike for commuting. it was hard to get through the blocks, but i did it. i went to meet Sioux, back home, then to the Temple, then to ASF, then back to the Temple and then back home. I had no idea it would be so many miles. the riding was easy. So glad i did that 58 mile ride. it changed my relationship to my bike!
The accomplishment is profound though -- i actually achieved my goal of using my bike for commuting. it was hard to get through the blocks, but i did it. i went to meet Sioux, back home, then to the Temple, then to ASF, then back to the Temple and then back home. I had no idea it would be so many miles. the riding was easy. So glad i did that 58 mile ride. it changed my relationship to my bike!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Okay, it's just a numbers game
It's okay. i just need to get on the bike. Today is a 23.4 mile ride through the presidio and golden gate park. it wasn't so bad really... not nearly so bad as the 58 miles i did the other day...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The hardest thing i have ever done, physically, to date
Mikey is leaving today. I'm up early, Mike and Atreyu went out dancing last night so they are both lagging since they came home at 4:30 am and we're supposed to leave for the airport at 6:45. Realizing i was risking missing the ride, i decided to catch the BART from SF to the east bay rather than have Atreyu drop me off on his way back from dropping Mike at the airport. Not the way i wanted to see Mike off... and still, the training had to happen.
getting on the bike, on a cool spring morning at 7:30 am, i rode down to the bart station, excited about the adventure of the day. Definitely nervous. I mean, my longest ride was only 12.2 miles at that point. i barely understood how to shift my gears and i'd dropped my chain just a few days earlier on a hill while riding.
not to worry. i meditated on the train, thinking of Adam C. and all the ways he and his practice have encouraged me in my journey. I thought of the funds people gave me. I thought of the fact that this was the reason i was doing the ride -- for the challenge.
pulling into the pittsburgh/baypoint stop at the end of the line, i got off the train and looked at all the other riders around me. "wow... am i a biker?" clueless and unsure, i found my way to the pack where i was greeted by Dan and his brother in law Paul, two great guys that actually made it easy on me. Dan was the ride leader and his brother-in-law was so friendly and supportive, i immediately felt like i could do it and things would be great.
safety lecture, comments... a quick show of hands about experience and a joking question, "anyone's first training ride?" lots of scoffs from the group and me timidly raising my hand to say, "yeah..." people looking at me funny as if i was joking... me saying, "yeah, i'm serious."
off we go. riding through the streets. it's really different in a pack of 25. we head off... we're zipping along. 17 MPH... 22... OMG,i'm going 27 MPH... holy geez... i'm over 30 MPH. i didn't think that was possible, but with these little rolling hills, suddenly i am in a different place. the pack has definitely separated out. I'm at the end of the front of the pack.
i realize quickly stopping is the enemy and less efficient. i value efficiency -- so i slow down rather than coming to complete halts. uncertain of how long it takes to stop, i slow early and, as a result, find myself losing the lead pack. we're on main roads. What did Dan say about where we were supposed to turn? Hmmm... i have a feeling i just missed the turn. stop, check the cue sheet... yup, i'm a half mile off... turn around, go back, catch up... yeah... nice work. i pull in and everyone's super supportive. Especially Liz. Wow -- another beautiful being on a journey of body discovery. Our stories are similar.
we leave the 18 mile rest stop, i'm feeling good. off we go to the half way point at the dam. up and down... rollers they call them... short little hills that aren't really that steep, but there's lots of them in a row. i realize how important conserving momentum is and shifting. Damn, my thumbs hurt. geez... when will i feel more comfortable on the hills? Make mental note: get brakes on the straight part of the handle bar.
finally make it in to the half way point. lots of conversation, support. talk about electrolytes. What? electrolytes? i just drank a gallon of water, what are you talking about? Oh... salt? sugar? hmmm... okay, if you say so. Wow, i'm so glad they said so. i already clocked 29 miles of riding for the day... my longest ride ever. wow. i feel great. i'm tired. i'm happy. i'm realizing my whole idea about training is absolutely nuts and i need to rethink my strategy. I need more rides and miles than i thought. no problem, i can do it.
we head out, going back to the starbucks. I'm slower than everyone else, but i get there, and still, surprisingly, after 44 miles, feeling pretty good. we start off again. lots of start and stop on the main road. i'm grateful for it. my quads are starting to get super sore. woah. only 48 miles. keep pushing. wow. small hills. only 50 miles? how am i ever going to do this? what am i thinking? 51 miles? stopping. have to breath. my god i didn't know my legs could be this sore from such a simple thing.
5.4 mph riding? what is my problem?
only one rider behind me... except the other ride leader John. I think i can make it... there's only a few more miles to get to the BART station... we take a rest. Dan comes back... saying he'll get his van to pick up the other rider and John. He and I take off. small hill -- i can do it... geez... only 53 miles? I stop at the next hill, realizing i am literally out of energy. oh geez. thanks Liz for those shot blocks (pure carbs)... i had just hit my wall. i walk the bike up the hill. a small hill. i climbed bigger ones that day, but it was really too much for me in that moment. we're only 2 miles from the BART Dan says. he's encouraging me, telling me how good a job i did, reminding me that every thing i ride now is a personal record for me.
renewed will... i get on the bike for the final push... lord, i wonder if i can make it... pumping an average of 6.5 MPH, crying as i do it, i finally make it over the hill... i'm shaking. wow. what did i just do?
Dan gives me carbs... Paul congratulates me... Liz yells to me from the car, let's be tentmates -- yeah! i'm so glad i found her!
I BART home... crying most of the way. text page Mikey, still stuck in DC on his way home... i'm glad he gave me the pep talk he did. i wonder... how am i ever going to do this? absolutely the hardest thing i've ever done physically... so far. I get off the bart, feeling a little better... and get back on the bike to ride it home. so glad that last bit of the miles i put on today are basically downhill. My ass is sore.
so glad to be in Atreyu's arms... holding me as i describe the whole thing, crying, shaking, sunburned, worn, raw... and proud of an unbelievable accomplishment i would never have though i could do 10 years ago... hell, 10 days ago.
getting on the bike, on a cool spring morning at 7:30 am, i rode down to the bart station, excited about the adventure of the day. Definitely nervous. I mean, my longest ride was only 12.2 miles at that point. i barely understood how to shift my gears and i'd dropped my chain just a few days earlier on a hill while riding.
not to worry. i meditated on the train, thinking of Adam C. and all the ways he and his practice have encouraged me in my journey. I thought of the funds people gave me. I thought of the fact that this was the reason i was doing the ride -- for the challenge.
pulling into the pittsburgh/baypoint stop at the end of the line, i got off the train and looked at all the other riders around me. "wow... am i a biker?" clueless and unsure, i found my way to the pack where i was greeted by Dan and his brother in law Paul, two great guys that actually made it easy on me. Dan was the ride leader and his brother-in-law was so friendly and supportive, i immediately felt like i could do it and things would be great.
safety lecture, comments... a quick show of hands about experience and a joking question, "anyone's first training ride?" lots of scoffs from the group and me timidly raising my hand to say, "yeah..." people looking at me funny as if i was joking... me saying, "yeah, i'm serious."
off we go. riding through the streets. it's really different in a pack of 25. we head off... we're zipping along. 17 MPH... 22... OMG,i'm going 27 MPH... holy geez... i'm over 30 MPH. i didn't think that was possible, but with these little rolling hills, suddenly i am in a different place. the pack has definitely separated out. I'm at the end of the front of the pack.
i realize quickly stopping is the enemy and less efficient. i value efficiency -- so i slow down rather than coming to complete halts. uncertain of how long it takes to stop, i slow early and, as a result, find myself losing the lead pack. we're on main roads. What did Dan say about where we were supposed to turn? Hmmm... i have a feeling i just missed the turn. stop, check the cue sheet... yup, i'm a half mile off... turn around, go back, catch up... yeah... nice work. i pull in and everyone's super supportive. Especially Liz. Wow -- another beautiful being on a journey of body discovery. Our stories are similar.
we leave the 18 mile rest stop, i'm feeling good. off we go to the half way point at the dam. up and down... rollers they call them... short little hills that aren't really that steep, but there's lots of them in a row. i realize how important conserving momentum is and shifting. Damn, my thumbs hurt. geez... when will i feel more comfortable on the hills? Make mental note: get brakes on the straight part of the handle bar.
finally make it in to the half way point. lots of conversation, support. talk about electrolytes. What? electrolytes? i just drank a gallon of water, what are you talking about? Oh... salt? sugar? hmmm... okay, if you say so. Wow, i'm so glad they said so. i already clocked 29 miles of riding for the day... my longest ride ever. wow. i feel great. i'm tired. i'm happy. i'm realizing my whole idea about training is absolutely nuts and i need to rethink my strategy. I need more rides and miles than i thought. no problem, i can do it.
we head out, going back to the starbucks. I'm slower than everyone else, but i get there, and still, surprisingly, after 44 miles, feeling pretty good. we start off again. lots of start and stop on the main road. i'm grateful for it. my quads are starting to get super sore. woah. only 48 miles. keep pushing. wow. small hills. only 50 miles? how am i ever going to do this? what am i thinking? 51 miles? stopping. have to breath. my god i didn't know my legs could be this sore from such a simple thing.
5.4 mph riding? what is my problem?
only one rider behind me... except the other ride leader John. I think i can make it... there's only a few more miles to get to the BART station... we take a rest. Dan comes back... saying he'll get his van to pick up the other rider and John. He and I take off. small hill -- i can do it... geez... only 53 miles? I stop at the next hill, realizing i am literally out of energy. oh geez. thanks Liz for those shot blocks (pure carbs)... i had just hit my wall. i walk the bike up the hill. a small hill. i climbed bigger ones that day, but it was really too much for me in that moment. we're only 2 miles from the BART Dan says. he's encouraging me, telling me how good a job i did, reminding me that every thing i ride now is a personal record for me.
renewed will... i get on the bike for the final push... lord, i wonder if i can make it... pumping an average of 6.5 MPH, crying as i do it, i finally make it over the hill... i'm shaking. wow. what did i just do?
Dan gives me carbs... Paul congratulates me... Liz yells to me from the car, let's be tentmates -- yeah! i'm so glad i found her!
I BART home... crying most of the way. text page Mikey, still stuck in DC on his way home... i'm glad he gave me the pep talk he did. i wonder... how am i ever going to do this? absolutely the hardest thing i've ever done physically... so far. I get off the bart, feeling a little better... and get back on the bike to ride it home. so glad that last bit of the miles i put on today are basically downhill. My ass is sore.
so glad to be in Atreyu's arms... holding me as i describe the whole thing, crying, shaking, sunburned, worn, raw... and proud of an unbelievable accomplishment i would never have though i could do 10 years ago... hell, 10 days ago.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Training for the AIDS ride
When I first conceived of doing this ride, apart from the obvious community
service aspects, it was for the following reasons on a personal level:
get in shape, dramatically changing the shape of my body change my relationship to my body get comfortable on a bike so i could use it as a transportation vehicle in SF that was in September when i got back from japan. cross training began. I was pretty dedicated until new year's -- holidays and then the impending launch of PoiGeek as well as the Temple of PoiGeek 2008 Fire Dancing Expo and i found myself not just avoiding the bike, but avoiding training like i had been in the fall. in the fall i had maintained a workout schedule averaging 8 25+ minute aerobic workouts a week for about 12 weeks, then took a dip down to an average of 4-6 a week. come 2008, i was maintaining about 3-6, but as march and then april approached, i simply wasn't working out.
At some point in there, Sean, my business partner, assuaged some of my concerns about the training, suggesting to a naive me that i could train after the launch of the company (April 26) and I'd have a solid month to do it. Well, Atreyu came back from Bali (early March), my birthday happened (march 23), we discussed getting into partnership (end of march/early april), he asked me to hand fast with him and moved in (2nd week of April), Mikey Icon came to stay with us (April 12), we worked on Mikey's DVD for PoiGeek (mid april), did a gig with Mikey that was a complete cluster f%*#k (april 19), prepared for the fire dancing expo and launch (April 26), had a national dance week event (april 27), prepared for the handfasting ceremony which then happened (may 1), went toFireDrums (first weekend of may) and then finally took a day or two off around may 7. Hmmm... with the ride less than a month away, I pretty much freaked out.
Looking over the training rides, i found one that was a category 3 ride (12-15 MPH avg speed) on really easy terrain (level 1 (of 4)) and thought -- this is a good idea. So, there i was, may 8, riding around SF, doing 9 milerides, prepping for the ride on may 10 which was 56 miles.
service aspects, it was for the following reasons on a personal level:
get in shape, dramatically changing the shape of my body change my relationship to my body get comfortable on a bike so i could use it as a transportation vehicle in SF that was in September when i got back from japan. cross training began. I was pretty dedicated until new year's -- holidays and then the impending launch of PoiGeek as well as the Temple of PoiGeek 2008 Fire Dancing Expo and i found myself not just avoiding the bike, but avoiding training like i had been in the fall. in the fall i had maintained a workout schedule averaging 8 25+ minute aerobic workouts a week for about 12 weeks, then took a dip down to an average of 4-6 a week. come 2008, i was maintaining about 3-6, but as march and then april approached, i simply wasn't working out.
At some point in there, Sean, my business partner, assuaged some of my concerns about the training, suggesting to a naive me that i could train after the launch of the company (April 26) and I'd have a solid month to do it. Well, Atreyu came back from Bali (early March), my birthday happened (march 23), we discussed getting into partnership (end of march/early april), he asked me to hand fast with him and moved in (2nd week of April), Mikey Icon came to stay with us (April 12), we worked on Mikey's DVD for PoiGeek (mid april), did a gig with Mikey that was a complete cluster f%*#k (april 19), prepared for the fire dancing expo and launch (April 26), had a national dance week event (april 27), prepared for the handfasting ceremony which then happened (may 1), went to
Looking over the training rides, i found one that was a category 3 ride (12-15 MPH avg speed) on really easy terrain (level 1 (of 4)) and thought -- this is a good idea. So, there i was, may 8, riding around SF, doing 9 milerides, prepping for the ride on may 10 which was 56 miles.
Decision Making Time
on or about the 9th of may, i realized i had to reach my financial goals by the 16th of may if i didn't want to have to stand in line during orientation. with $770 to raise, the question became, how dedicated to this was I? I realized immediately i was not willing to fund it all out of my own pocket, so i needed to raise money. In just a few short days, friends and family alike poured support into my world and i had reached over $2600 in funds raised by the 16th, exceeding the required $2500 to participate.
Because i raised over $500 in less than 48 hours, i knew going into the weekend i was likely to meet my goals, which gave me hope as i began the 56 mile trek in the east bay.
Because i raised over $500 in less than 48 hours, i knew going into the weekend i was likely to meet my goals, which gave me hope as i began the 56 mile trek in the east bay.
Nightmare!
I had a horrible dream that i couldn't find a tent mate... then i got stuck with a stranger. the stranger had an air mattress that they used, full queen size thing. it filled most of the tent. so there i was in the tent squished on my side between the air mattress and the side of the tent... then i woke up in a cold sweat. geez... is this going to be my fate? I need to find a tent mate...
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I'm doing the AIDS Lifecycle Ride
when i first conceived of doing this ride, apart from the obvious community service aspects, it was for the following reasons on a personal level:
* get in shape, dramatically changing the shape of my body
* change my relationship to my body
* get comfortable on a bike so i could use it as a transportation vehicle in SF
that was in September when i got back from japan. cross training began. i was pretty dedicated until new year's -- holidays and then the impending launch of PoiGeek as well as the Temple of PoiGeek 2008 Fire Dancing Expo and i found myself not just avoiding the bike, but avoiding training like i had been in the fall. in the fall i had maintained a workout schedule averaging 8 25+ minute aerobic workouts a week for about 12 weeks, then took a dip down to an average of 4-6 a week. come 2008, i was maintaining about 3-6, but as march and then april approached, i simply wasn't working out.
At some point in there, Sean, my business partner, assuaged some of my concerns about the training, suggesting to a naive me that i could train after the launch of the company (April 26) and I'd have a solid month to do it. Well, Atreyu came back from Bali (early March), my birthday happened (march 23), we discussed getting into partnership (end of march/early april), he asked me to hand fast with him and moved in (2nd week of April), Mikey Icon came to stay with us (April 12), we worked on Mikey's DVD for PoiGeek (mid april), did a gig with Mikey that was a complete cluster f%*#k (april 19), prepared for the fire dancing expo and launch (April 26), had a national dance week event (april 27), prepared for the handfasting ceremony which then happened (may 1), went to FireDrums (first weekend of may) and then finally took a day or two off around may 7. Hmmm... with the ride less than a month away, I pretty much freaked out.
Looking over the training rides, i found one that was a category 3 ride (12-15 MPH avg speed) on really easy terrain (level 1 (of 4)) and thought -- this is a good idea. So, there i was, may 8, riding around SF, doing 9 mile rides, prepping for the ride on may 10 which was 56 miles.
* get in shape, dramatically changing the shape of my body
* change my relationship to my body
* get comfortable on a bike so i could use it as a transportation vehicle in SF
that was in September when i got back from japan. cross training began. i was pretty dedicated until new year's -- holidays and then the impending launch of PoiGeek as well as the Temple of PoiGeek 2008 Fire Dancing Expo and i found myself not just avoiding the bike, but avoiding training like i had been in the fall. in the fall i had maintained a workout schedule averaging 8 25+ minute aerobic workouts a week for about 12 weeks, then took a dip down to an average of 4-6 a week. come 2008, i was maintaining about 3-6, but as march and then april approached, i simply wasn't working out.
At some point in there, Sean, my business partner, assuaged some of my concerns about the training, suggesting to a naive me that i could train after the launch of the company (April 26) and I'd have a solid month to do it. Well, Atreyu came back from Bali (early March), my birthday happened (march 23), we discussed getting into partnership (end of march/early april), he asked me to hand fast with him and moved in (2nd week of April), Mikey Icon came to stay with us (April 12), we worked on Mikey's DVD for PoiGeek (mid april), did a gig with Mikey that was a complete cluster f%*#k (april 19), prepared for the fire dancing expo and launch (April 26), had a national dance week event (april 27), prepared for the handfasting ceremony which then happened (may 1), went to FireDrums (first weekend of may) and then finally took a day or two off around may 7. Hmmm... with the ride less than a month away, I pretty much freaked out.
Looking over the training rides, i found one that was a category 3 ride (12-15 MPH avg speed) on really easy terrain (level 1 (of 4)) and thought -- this is a good idea. So, there i was, may 8, riding around SF, doing 9 mile rides, prepping for the ride on may 10 which was 56 miles.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Cosmic Lovers enjoying the bliss...
I got handfasted on Thursday. Wow! What an amazing experience. My amazing partner, Atreyu, and I wrote a 20 page covenant outlining what we are creating for ourselves and with each other. These are pictures from Fire Drums taken by a wonderfully sensitive photographer and flow artist there.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Benefits of Tea
I was surprised to read all these benefits to drinking tea today in a great
little marketing pamphlet from octavia tea (octaviatea.com) -- so I thought
I'd share in case it was useful to others. The brochure claims,
"According to Scientific Studies, a daily cup of tea:
- Reduces physical signs of aging (time magazine)
- Slow age-related decline in brain function (american journal of clinical
nutrition)
- reduces abdominal fat deposits (nutrition and cancer)
- lowers risk of cancer and kills cancer cells (consumer reports)
- combats arthritis & imrpves bone density (health magazine)
- lowers bad LDL cholesterol by up to 11% (us dept. of agriculture/msnbc)
- aids weight-loss & burns fat (american journal of clinical nutrition)
- improves immune system functioning (prevention)
- reduces the risk of heart attack by 44% (harvard study)
- fights bad breath and allergies (web md)
little marketing pamphlet from octavia tea (octaviatea.com) -- so I thought
I'd share in case it was useful to others. The brochure claims,
"According to Scientific Studies, a daily cup of tea:
- Reduces physical signs of aging (time magazine)
- Slow age-related decline in brain function (american journal of clinical
nutrition)
- reduces abdominal fat deposits (nutrition and cancer)
- lowers risk of cancer and kills cancer cells (consumer reports)
- combats arthritis & imrpves bone density (health magazine)
- lowers bad LDL cholesterol by up to 11% (us dept. of agriculture/msnbc)
- aids weight-loss & burns fat (american journal of clinical nutrition)
- improves immune system functioning (prevention)
- reduces the risk of heart attack by 44% (harvard study)
- fights bad breath and allergies (web md)
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
You are an Island...
A dear friend who is also on a weight loss journey wrote this to me today: "I feel very supported hearing my experiences and feelings echoed. Makes me feel like I'm not an island."
I wrote this in response... I rather enjoyed it and thought it might be inspirational for everyone on their journey of growth.
I was sharing to help you see that while you are an island -- it is your journey and yours alone -- it is more like we're a string of islands really close together rather than with an ocean between us and just a stones throw away rather than a 6 hour plane ride. I can't walk your walk for you... I can't choose your path for you... but I can send up fire works as I understand things to arise that hopefully will lighten the load and brighten your day.
(Change, any change, and in this context especially...) Weight loss isn't about overnight change, but about lifelong change. So it is about how you deal with it through time, not in any one moment. If you graphed your feelings of control v. out of control through time, how did you do overall?
Keep focus on the trend, not any one point in the graph -- any high can be just as disillusioning as any low. They are just moments to be cherished and learned from rather than clung to like a life preserver.
Your committment and certainty will have you return to the path every time you wander off, even if you it take more than a minute, or hour, or day, or week or even month.
You know what you want. Hold fast to that and all else will follow. Of this i am certain.
You have great power within you... and i know you know this. I merely hold up the glass in the moments when you're too tired to pick it up for yourself. ;)
I wrote this in response... I rather enjoyed it and thought it might be inspirational for everyone on their journey of growth.
I was sharing to help you see that while you are an island -- it is your journey and yours alone -- it is more like we're a string of islands really close together rather than with an ocean between us and just a stones throw away rather than a 6 hour plane ride. I can't walk your walk for you... I can't choose your path for you... but I can send up fire works as I understand things to arise that hopefully will lighten the load and brighten your day.
(Change, any change, and in this context especially...) Weight loss isn't about overnight change, but about lifelong change. So it is about how you deal with it through time, not in any one moment. If you graphed your feelings of control v. out of control through time, how did you do overall?
Keep focus on the trend, not any one point in the graph -- any high can be just as disillusioning as any low. They are just moments to be cherished and learned from rather than clung to like a life preserver.
Your committment and certainty will have you return to the path every time you wander off, even if you it take more than a minute, or hour, or day, or week or even month.
You know what you want. Hold fast to that and all else will follow. Of this i am certain.
You have great power within you... and i know you know this. I merely hold up the glass in the moments when you're too tired to pick it up for yourself. ;)
Friday, February 22, 2008
Please support my body transformation through the AIDS Lifecycle ride!
Please support my body transformation while I ride to end AIDS.
When I was 22 years old, I graduated from college. I was a fairly miserable person at the time -- I hated my life, my family and most of all, myself.
As I came home from a shopping excursion to buy clothes to wear for interviews for my new ventures into corporate America, I discovered just how big I was. I was directed by a very helpful sales person to a store for Plus Sizes. Plus Sizes? How the hell did I wake up one day and find I had gained 144 pounds and was nearly 300 pounds? I had gained a person sleeping in my body in 22 months.
I woke up when I walked up the stairs with the bag of clothes and was huffing and puffing at the top of it. As I put my key into the lock, I knew I would be dead by the time I was 30 if I didn't make some massive changes.
I know it sounds unbelievable... I often cry, wondering how it happened and how I can prevent it from happening again. All the same, I've clearly made many changes, and, in total, I am, at my current weight, 130+ pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest.
In 2008 I will be 39 years old. Before I turn 40, I want to do a crazy physical challenge... Something to really prove to myself I have done the work, I have really changed, and I will never be that half asleep fat girl walking around without a clue I am even overweight.
Meanwhile, over the recent years I have been deeply impacted by HIV and AIDS, having known several people who are positive. In 2007, a dear friend was diagnosed positive with AIDS and that experience left me in a state of disbelief of the frailty of life.
Combine these factors together and 2008 has me signed up for the Aids LifeCycle ride. For those who do not know about this event, From June 1-7, 2008, I'm bicycling in AIDS/LifeCycle. It's a 7-day, 545-mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles to make a world of difference in the lives of people living with HIV and AIDS. Those who ride in the event are supported by a group of Roadies who set up rest areas, food stops and do all sorts of wonderful things to support the 3,000 riders participating in this event. I first heard about this ride from my dear friend and Director of Poi Instruction for my school, Temple of Poi, Jim Rudoff. He has been on the support team for this ride for years.
My personal goal is to raise $10,000 for the cause -- any donation helps... even $5 or $10. Please consider giving what you can to both support me in my personal transformation as well as helping me support the HIV/AIDS-related services of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Fire Dancing In Union Square - I Am Not My Hair
December 11, as part of the San Francisco Food Bank's Canned Food Drive!
I am not my hair... and...
So here I am looking in the mirror. I imagine it is somewhat like waking up from plastic surgery. The face I¹ve known my whole adult life is disappearing before my eyes.
Since July, I've lost nearly 40 pounds and it is starting to show up in my face... Or rather, starting to not show up in my face.
It was one thing when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my body --- I mean, that's weird enough. And let me tell you, it is weird. It's especially weird now as I'm moving from a "fat" body to a "chubby" body. One of my girlfriends recently described it more or less saying that now I just look like I'm a chubby normal person rather than a not-so-fat fat girl. It's
definitely a different place to be.
But that's not nearly so challenging as waking up and looking in the mirror and my face just plain looking different. I'm not talking wrinkle lines, grey hair or zits or things like that. They are much more gradual and one seemingly has time to acclimate to them.
I'm talking big chunks of my face are seemingly gone. It looks weird when I write it -- but it looks weirder in the mirror. In the last 3 weeks I've ping ponged around in a 7 pound range which I swear all shows up in my face. At the top end of it I look like a different person than the bottom end of it. I'm massively impacted by it and I feel like I'm going crazy.
Did you know that you have fat on your forehead? I mean, I'm not that surprised my jaw looks different -- no more double chin makes sense. I -am- surprised my chin looks different and I notice a different shape to it. I'm not surprised my cheeks look different -- they were pretty full to begin with. But the sallow in my cheeks is a new look and the fact that I see my nose differently because I have less cheeks is just disturbing. But my forehead? I mean, that's a complete shock. I guess maybe it's just a shocking shock where the rest of them are just shocks I hadn't thought would happen but make logical sense at least.
My whole face looks different to me. So now I'm really struggling with looking at myself in the mirror.
Who is that person looking back at me that I don't recognize? I've never seen her before in my life. Not her body. Not her face. And I'm left with a feeling of, "that's not me."
And while I am not my body or my face or my hair or any of that, I do live in that body that owns that face and that hair and all of that is, at best, unfamiliar and feels wrong/off/weird/strange/just not right
Since July, I've lost nearly 40 pounds and it is starting to show up in my face... Or rather, starting to not show up in my face.
It was one thing when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my body --- I mean, that's weird enough. And let me tell you, it is weird. It's especially weird now as I'm moving from a "fat" body to a "chubby" body. One of my girlfriends recently described it more or less saying that now I just look like I'm a chubby normal person rather than a not-so-fat fat girl. It's
definitely a different place to be.
But that's not nearly so challenging as waking up and looking in the mirror and my face just plain looking different. I'm not talking wrinkle lines, grey hair or zits or things like that. They are much more gradual and one seemingly has time to acclimate to them.
I'm talking big chunks of my face are seemingly gone. It looks weird when I write it -- but it looks weirder in the mirror. In the last 3 weeks I've ping ponged around in a 7 pound range which I swear all shows up in my face. At the top end of it I look like a different person than the bottom end of it. I'm massively impacted by it and I feel like I'm going crazy.
Did you know that you have fat on your forehead? I mean, I'm not that surprised my jaw looks different -- no more double chin makes sense. I -am- surprised my chin looks different and I notice a different shape to it. I'm not surprised my cheeks look different -- they were pretty full to begin with. But the sallow in my cheeks is a new look and the fact that I see my nose differently because I have less cheeks is just disturbing. But my forehead? I mean, that's a complete shock. I guess maybe it's just a shocking shock where the rest of them are just shocks I hadn't thought would happen but make logical sense at least.
My whole face looks different to me. So now I'm really struggling with looking at myself in the mirror.
Who is that person looking back at me that I don't recognize? I've never seen her before in my life. Not her body. Not her face. And I'm left with a feeling of, "that's not me."
And while I am not my body or my face or my hair or any of that, I do live in that body that owns that face and that hair and all of that is, at best, unfamiliar and feels wrong/off/weird/strange/just not right
Monday, December 31, 2007
Shifting your perspective
Question:How do you boost your expectations with Vitamin Joy so that you are guided to the Highest Vistas imaginable?
Glitter.
I have often thought of the dark part of the experience of life like a piece of black construction paper. Imagine if you will you are looking at the paper and all you see is a vast blackness. You inspect the paper, you look it over and then you tip it just the right way and out of no where, a tiny spec of glitter appears — that hope in the midst of the darkness that almost made it disappear.
Glitter for me is the metaphor of possibility. It is formless and shapeless, meaningless in fact, except for all the meaning I gift it. When I see a spec of glitter, I see the light — it is shinning upon me even in the smallest of ways. That visual reminder of the light is something I look for wherever I can — so putting it on my eyes (and subsequently, it falling on my eyelashes) often colors my life in such a way that when I move through the world, I get that lens flare effect of the light reflecting off the glitter when I look at simple things.
It is such a simple tool... And as a practice I have been engaging in for nearly 10 years, I have found glitter cheers me up like nothing else.
Other more universal ways to find the way back to the light that might be more approachable include:
Baths. They are gloriously refreshing and they can change your toxicity level if you put Epsom salt in the bath with it. Chemical body change just helps.
Adam’s wisdom about meditation has been 100% of the time spot on for me. Even if I don’t have a “good sit” that I am actually doing the sit always makes me feel like I am more on path.
Doing something with my body (or mind, though less so for me these days) that I was not formerly able to do — reminding me of how far I have come and that this journey includes the dark times.
Crying — the shower for the soul.
Dancing — predictably leads to altered states for me and the increase in endorphins is bound to make you feel better, at least for a period of time after
exercise — I at least get the endorphins even if I don’t get the altered state
eating something nutritious – another form of chemical change
creating a nourishing experience that is inspiring — be it a hike, or a meal that I “shouldn’t have” (wrong food, wrong price, too much time, whatever) -- which often includes an element of indulgence
sleep. This is by far the best cure for my negative states. James and I read an article in the paper a few months ago where they said some really high percentage of people don’t sleep enough (I think it was over 60%) and there is scientific evidence of the negative impact on emotional state/resourcefulness. (more chemical state change)
Alone time. Just getting in touch with what is going on often helps.
Perhaps the most difficult practice though also the one that allows things to shift the quickest for me is to be with the experience as fully as I can. The more fully I allow it to arise, the more quickly and fully it passes away. Acknowledging that I am feeling that way, perhaps even being witnessed in those feelings, often allows me the freedom to get messy and go into it in a way that serves my processing.
Surrender into the feelings rather than feeling like I need to combat them. Whoops! I’m feeling like shit again. Damn, I forgot about that part of the journey. Don’t worry, it will get better.
screaming into a pillow
punching my bed
doing an activity which requires a high degree of concentration in a domain that is not related to the upset — like driving my car skillfully through traffic – so I am 100% focused elsewhere for some period of time and can come back to the situation with fresh eyes/perspective
masturbation — always good for a state change which can provide temporary relief and will change your body chemistry as well.
distraction — movie, music, talk, walk.
working really hard — diving into my work so I feel like I’m making progress even if I’m feeling like shit about the process.
taking a day off — so I don’t have to think about anything in particular.
laughter. (more chemical change in the body)
talking to myself.
singing. Especially in the shower.
oming/toning/playing an instrument -- the vibration moves things through.
massage.
talking to one of the cool people in my life — different friends give different support, so I choose who to talk to based on what kind of support I want (commiseration, an ass kicking, sympathy, advice, perspective, witnessing).
Combining as many of the above as necessary to create change and allowing myself all the space I need to have the experience — even if it means all of these things.
Glitter.
I have often thought of the dark part of the experience of life like a piece of black construction paper. Imagine if you will you are looking at the paper and all you see is a vast blackness. You inspect the paper, you look it over and then you tip it just the right way and out of no where, a tiny spec of glitter appears — that hope in the midst of the darkness that almost made it disappear.
Glitter for me is the metaphor of possibility. It is formless and shapeless, meaningless in fact, except for all the meaning I gift it. When I see a spec of glitter, I see the light — it is shinning upon me even in the smallest of ways. That visual reminder of the light is something I look for wherever I can — so putting it on my eyes (and subsequently, it falling on my eyelashes) often colors my life in such a way that when I move through the world, I get that lens flare effect of the light reflecting off the glitter when I look at simple things.
It is such a simple tool... And as a practice I have been engaging in for nearly 10 years, I have found glitter cheers me up like nothing else.
Other more universal ways to find the way back to the light that might be more approachable include:
eating something nutritious – another form of chemical change
sleep. This is by far the best cure for my negative states. James and I read an article in the paper a few months ago where they said some really high percentage of people don’t sleep enough (I think it was over 60%) and there is scientific evidence of the negative impact on emotional state/resourcefulness. (more chemical state change)
working really hard — diving into my work so I feel like I’m making progress even if I’m feeling like shit about the process.
talking to one of the cool people in my life — different friends give different support, so I choose who to talk to based on what kind of support I want (commiseration, an ass kicking, sympathy, advice, perspective, witnessing).
Upekka
A friend sent this on an email list I'm on -- it is a meditation to help stay in the center:
This reminded me of a distinction/saying my friends gave me years ago which really helped me on my path, which is
reworded/augmented by me to remind me of my path:
I am me. You are you.
My feelings are my feelings. Your feelings are your feelings.
My experiences are my experiences. Your experiences are your experience.
Your feelings and experiences are not my feelings and experiences. My feelings and experiences are not your feelings and experiences.
I am fully responsible for me; You are fully responsible for you.
My path is to witness without attachment and aversion, knowing I may witness you doing things that make me uncomfortable and I can not do anything about your choices.
I will choose, regardless of my dis/comfort with your actions, from a place of what serves me best which can include sacrifice only if I choose willingly and freely.
The degree to which I can remain in constancy with this knowing will determine, predictably, the degree of my emotional freedom and upset I create for myself in my life.
You are the owner/heir to your own karma. Your outcome depends on your actions and not my wishes. No matter how I might wish things to be otherwise, things are as they are. Although I wish only the best for you, I also know that your happiness and unhappiness depends upon your actions, not my wishes for you. Whether I understand it or not, things are unfolding for you according to a lawful nature.
This reminded me of a distinction/saying my friends gave me years ago which really helped me on my path, which is
reworded/augmented by me to remind me of my path:
I am me. You are you.
My feelings are my feelings. Your feelings are your feelings.
My experiences are my experiences. Your experiences are your experience.
Your feelings and experiences are not my feelings and experiences. My feelings and experiences are not your feelings and experiences.
I am fully responsible for me; You are fully responsible for you.
My path is to witness without attachment and aversion, knowing I may witness you doing things that make me uncomfortable and I can not do anything about your choices.
I will choose, regardless of my dis/comfort with your actions, from a place of what serves me best which can include sacrifice only if I choose willingly and freely.
The degree to which I can remain in constancy with this knowing will determine, predictably, the degree of my emotional freedom and upset I create for myself in my life.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Cosmic Kiss
May the best of last year be the worst of this year
and may we all say this to,
bear witness to it being so
and
consciously co-create it with each other...
in truth,
as a tribe,
every moment...
of every lifetime
we experience in this dimension...
and all others...
for all time...
always.
and may we all say this to,
bear witness to it being so
and
consciously co-create it with each other...
in truth,
as a tribe,
every moment...
of every lifetime
we experience in this dimension...
and all others...
for all time...
always.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Tribe -> Community -> Tribe
Looking back in time, humans organized themselves toward a common purpose of
survival using a hierarchical model sometimes known as tribes. There was a
leader (a chief for example), a healer, a warrior, a cook -- every one had
their place.
Because of the technological stage of development, the tribe had no
opportunity to move toward a vision that was beyond survival. As technology
advance, survival became easier and time more plentiful, we evolved toward
more global thinking. Thus became community as an evolution because the
focal point was in accomplishing something "for the greater good and
furthering of human kind or the planet" or some other lofty ideal.
Community is (or at least to me has seemed) bound by and pulled together to
work collectively toward a single vision which generally does not honor
individual leadership, but rather consensus thinking that mostly muddles the
ability of the group to actually get anything accomplished because it takes
so long to arrive at consensus.
I say we're moving toward -- and the particular tribe on this list
represents it to me -- a resurgence of the idea of hierarchy within a tribe.
So many of us are visionaries and leaders building communities and tribes of
our own yet coming together as a tribe, living the common vision of
supporting each other as individuals in the creation of our own unique
purpose.
So we have moved from needing hierarchy to make things happen in order to
survive (pre-rational tribe) to choosing to come together in service of a
group vision (rational community) to needing reintegrated leadership while
working for a greater good (trans-rational tribe).
It seems like the trans-rational tribe is coming together - each individual
in service of each other being in service of their own individual goals,
within which leadership is rewarded because in each individual accomplishing
their purpose/vision, they are able to help other's learn by bringing their
learning's back to the tribe for other's to integrate; whereas the rational
community comes together in service of a group vision where individuals
often have to acquiesce their goals to remain in service of the group.
The trans-rational tribes transcends and includes.
survival using a hierarchical model sometimes known as tribes. There was a
leader (a chief for example), a healer, a warrior, a cook -- every one had
their place.
Because of the technological stage of development, the tribe had no
opportunity to move toward a vision that was beyond survival. As technology
advance, survival became easier and time more plentiful, we evolved toward
more global thinking. Thus became community as an evolution because the
focal point was in accomplishing something "for the greater good and
furthering of human kind or the planet" or some other lofty ideal.
Community is (or at least to me has seemed) bound by and pulled together to
work collectively toward a single vision which generally does not honor
individual leadership, but rather consensus thinking that mostly muddles the
ability of the group to actually get anything accomplished because it takes
so long to arrive at consensus.
I say we're moving toward -- and the particular tribe on this list
represents it to me -- a resurgence of the idea of hierarchy within a tribe.
So many of us are visionaries and leaders building communities and tribes of
our own yet coming together as a tribe, living the common vision of
supporting each other as individuals in the creation of our own unique
purpose.
So we have moved from needing hierarchy to make things happen in order to
survive (pre-rational tribe) to choosing to come together in service of a
group vision (rational community) to needing reintegrated leadership while
working for a greater good (trans-rational tribe).
It seems like the trans-rational tribe is coming together - each individual
in service of each other being in service of their own individual goals,
within which leadership is rewarded because in each individual accomplishing
their purpose/vision, they are able to help other's learn by bringing their
learning's back to the tribe for other's to integrate; whereas the rational
community comes together in service of a group vision where individuals
often have to acquiesce their goals to remain in service of the group.
The trans-rational tribes transcends and includes.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Permission
The other day I found myself triggered by a friend's choice to, from my perspective, fart their ideas into my space. I put it that way because it is both humorous and, from where I sit, accurate. Farts often occur without consciousness -- simply happening, kind of like when we know something or think we know something about what is going on and we just blurt it out.
From my perspective, my friend did not have permission to coach me. What that means to me is that before someone offers advice, they would ask if the listener (in this case, me) wants to hear it. There are many reasons for that, including (and not limited to):
the person may not be looking for your opinion or ideas
the person may simply be venting
the person may just be sharing their experience and only want to share without receiving in that moment
the person may be closed, generally speaking
the person may be closed, specifically to the person offering the coaching
the person may simply not want to switch context (ie, sharing/speaking/opening/venting/whatever to listening/receiving)
so the person offering said "advice/coaching" isn't impressing their
values on the other individual. (I take this very seriously, not just with respect to what I say, but also with what is said to me.)
This idea of permission is why I use the phrase, "Can I offer something?" so frequently because I do not want to be coaching someone who is either not prepared for it, not interested in it and/or in some way not open to receiving that which I have to offer.
I understand that in friendships there is a place where we offer ourselves to each other that, in some ways, seems like it should be apart from the idea of asking permission. That may be so for other people and my world generally speaking does not operate that way.
When I'm confused about this sort of thing with other people, I ask the person speaking what they are looking for from me -- to hold space, to offer coaching, to share my own experience, and/or whatever. These days, I'd like to think I don't really offer coaching without permission (though please call me on it if I do) except in the domain of where I am the explicit current "coach" (as in class and as it relates to poi, and at that, only sometimes since I am so sensitive to not wanting to trample on people's own development at their own pace).
Perhaps it is a subtle distinction that I've picked up working with and being friends with coaches in transformational communities for many years on end. What I know is I do not feel honored when someone puts things in my space I'm not interested in having there. For me, it occurs like clutter that I have to move around/through/over/avoid.
From my perspective, my friend did not have permission to coach me. What that means to me is that before someone offers advice, they would ask if the listener (in this case, me) wants to hear it. There are many reasons for that, including (and not limited to):
values on the other individual. (I take this very seriously, not just with respect to what I say, but also with what is said to me.)
This idea of permission is why I use the phrase, "Can I offer something?" so frequently because I do not want to be coaching someone who is either not prepared for it, not interested in it and/or in some way not open to receiving that which I have to offer.
I understand that in friendships there is a place where we offer ourselves to each other that, in some ways, seems like it should be apart from the idea of asking permission. That may be so for other people and my world generally speaking does not operate that way.
When I'm confused about this sort of thing with other people, I ask the person speaking what they are looking for from me -- to hold space, to offer coaching, to share my own experience, and/or whatever. These days, I'd like to think I don't really offer coaching without permission (though please call me on it if I do) except in the domain of where I am the explicit current "coach" (as in class and as it relates to poi, and at that, only sometimes since I am so sensitive to not wanting to trample on people's own development at their own pace).
Perhaps it is a subtle distinction that I've picked up working with and being friends with coaches in transformational communities for many years on end. What I know is I do not feel honored when someone puts things in my space I'm not interested in having there. For me, it occurs like clutter that I have to move around/through/over/avoid.
Friday, September 07, 2007
20070907: Everybody needs a little Now moment
The night Audree, Sean and I went out to film in July required us to synch up our iPods. We didn't want to drag a boom box around with all the fire gear as well as the camera gear, so instead, we shared the same playlist on our iPods so we could have some shared reality as I was spinning without disrupting the rest of the world.
Of course, then you have to sync up the ipods. Well, we started counting off -- " 3 - 2 - 1 - Now!" and on "Now" everyone would start the track at the beginning.
I'm on Shinkansen train with Sean -- the cool bullet train that runs from Kyoto to Tokyo (same letters, spelled differently. Hmm...) writing the blog entries so I can post them next time I get to an internet connection and I started bouncing around in my seat to one of our favorite tracks, "The Nebbish Route" by Shpongle off Nothing Last... But Nothing is Lost.
Fortunately, Sean had my set list on his iPhone because we filmed yesterday so, well, we got to have a bit of Now together.
Of course, then you have to sync up the ipods. Well, we started counting off -- " 3 - 2 - 1 - Now!" and on "Now" everyone would start the track at the beginning.
I'm on Shinkansen train with Sean -- the cool bullet train that runs from Kyoto to Tokyo (same letters, spelled differently. Hmm...) writing the blog entries so I can post them next time I get to an internet connection and I started bouncing around in my seat to one of our favorite tracks, "The Nebbish Route" by Shpongle off Nothing Last... But Nothing is Lost.Fortunately, Sean had my set list on his iPhone because we filmed yesterday so, well, we got to have a bit of Now together.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
20070906: Footage From Arashiyama
Since we didn't head north into the path of the typhoon, we decided we'd go visit Arashiyama, Kyoto again and film some poi dancing. Check out this silk flag poi dancing set by GlitterGirl (and order your own set of flags if you're so inspired!)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
20070905: Rest. Recovery. Preparation. Forewarning.
Sean arrived. More sushi. Freshly imported wine with Spencer. Making plans. Oh, and finding out about a Typhoon. A typhoon? What? Didn't I get enough rain on Monday night? (see "warm summer rain" entry)
Hmmm... What to do. The typhoon is heading directly for the area where the festival is. Maybe we should wait a day and go up on Friday instead...
Hmmm... What to do. The typhoon is heading directly for the area where the festival is. Maybe we should wait a day and go up on Friday instead...
20070905: Perfection
A friend just got back from her 10 day sit and was finding herself in a place of disappointment over how she hasn't been sitting as much and how it was harder than the first. I found myself noticing the perfection of the experience, and sent this her way:
How perfect your experience it. It is the very example of how you can choose equanimity in each moment. It is the perfect example of it all, actually. Relax into it sister. In a sense, you have both already failed and already succeeded. Now that you have done both, you can just sit back and witness the experience... Even now... With ease and gratitude.
Guy said something to me in a session which is perfect: this is the healing — right not. The crying? That was the healing! The struggle? That also is the healing! You returning to the practice is the practice... Is the healing.
Also, I remind you about the through time nature of your reality and life. You are looking for some permanent shift from a single 10 days. And that comes in very small pieces. It is a gradual thing so as long as you focus on the gradual nature of it, you can’t see the bigger picture. Look back 1 year, 2, 5... See how much more rich your life, experience, skills and mastery are. Even now I’m sure you’re offering yourself more grace, more compassion... More acceptance...
:)
How perfect your experience it. It is the very example of how you can choose equanimity in each moment. It is the perfect example of it all, actually. Relax into it sister. In a sense, you have both already failed and already succeeded. Now that you have done both, you can just sit back and witness the experience... Even now... With ease and gratitude.
Guy said something to me in a session which is perfect: this is the healing — right not. The crying? That was the healing! The struggle? That also is the healing! You returning to the practice is the practice... Is the healing.
Also, I remind you about the through time nature of your reality and life. You are looking for some permanent shift from a single 10 days. And that comes in very small pieces. It is a gradual thing so as long as you focus on the gradual nature of it, you can’t see the bigger picture. Look back 1 year, 2, 5... See how much more rich your life, experience, skills and mastery are. Even now I’m sure you’re offering yourself more grace, more compassion... More acceptance...
:)
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
20070904: Transformation at Shrines
After escaping the love hotel and accompanying Spencer on his research adventure at the travel agent, we headed toward Kyoto, stopping to watch Transformers in English with Japanese subtitles. It was interesting to see the movie again (the third time, actually) in a foreign country.
There is a line in the movie, which if you've seen a preview you've already seen, about the autobots being really advanced robots -- Japanese models. No laughter in the Japanese theatre. In the US, having seen it twice, I can say there was a lot more laughter -- both in that part of the movie as well as other spots. Alas, not here.
Seating was interesting -- assigned seats and you get to pick them with the counter agent when you buy your ticket. Wow.
After leaving and heading back to Kyoto, Spencer went off to work and I found my way to two shrines. One of them was fairly large where I watched a woman make the rounds to the little stops in the courtyard. I thought it would be interesting to model how she did the ritual, so I did, to a degree. Mom asked me to light incense at a shrine -- partly joking I'm sure -- to
help them sell their house in New York so they can move to their new home. So I did.
Meanwhile, the whole while, I was listening to Seal's song, "Love's Divine" inspiring various thoughts about my own transformation, self perception, molting, emersion... My own divinity.
I replayed the song and danced in the shrine, offering myself to the divine at the temple, realizing that if I'm not here on this planet to dance, I'm not actually sure what I am here for.
I cried, released, expressed, emoted, and in the process, found myself experiencing a wonderful new connection to mySelf. Returning to Spencer's and reconnecting with him later -- how grateful am I he is my teacher as well (a Reverend) -- I noticed how I felt myself coming into balance in the shrine, allowing myself to release the stresses and tensions of months of
pressure, mishap and challenge around PoiGeek and the Temple, around not taking as much care of my body as I will moving forward, about the imbalance of the speed of my mind and slowness of my body... About how inspired I was to get my bicycle fixed now that I live and work in easy biking distance from each other.
Ah, the gift of Being in the Muck of things.
There is a line in the movie, which if you've seen a preview you've already seen, about the autobots being really advanced robots -- Japanese models. No laughter in the Japanese theatre. In the US, having seen it twice, I can say there was a lot more laughter -- both in that part of the movie as well as other spots. Alas, not here.
Seating was interesting -- assigned seats and you get to pick them with the counter agent when you buy your ticket. Wow.
After leaving and heading back to Kyoto, Spencer went off to work and I found my way to two shrines. One of them was fairly large where I watched a woman make the rounds to the little stops in the courtyard. I thought it would be interesting to model how she did the ritual, so I did, to a degree. Mom asked me to light incense at a shrine -- partly joking I'm sure -- to
help them sell their house in New York so they can move to their new home. So I did.
Meanwhile, the whole while, I was listening to Seal's song, "Love's Divine" inspiring various thoughts about my own transformation, self perception, molting, emersion... My own divinity.
I replayed the song and danced in the shrine, offering myself to the divine at the temple, realizing that if I'm not here on this planet to dance, I'm not actually sure what I am here for.
I cried, released, expressed, emoted, and in the process, found myself experiencing a wonderful new connection to mySelf. Returning to Spencer's and reconnecting with him later -- how grateful am I he is my teacher as well (a Reverend) -- I noticed how I felt myself coming into balance in the shrine, allowing myself to release the stresses and tensions of months of
pressure, mishap and challenge around PoiGeek and the Temple, around not taking as much care of my body as I will moving forward, about the imbalance of the speed of my mind and slowness of my body... About how inspired I was to get my bicycle fixed now that I live and work in easy biking distance from each other.
Ah, the gift of Being in the Muck of things.
20070904: Locked into the love hotel
As cool as the love hotel is, the most limiting aspect of it is the fact that once you check in, you can't leave the room unless you are checking out. This meant that when Spencer had to get up and go for class, I had to go with him... To late to figure that out, he missed class, we slept in, and then were late getting out of the room.
Of course, the Love Hotel is designed for you to have a "rest" -- a 30 minute use of the space -- or a "stay." We had overstayed our stay, so we had to pay for a rest on top of that. :(
Still worth it though, for 15,600 Yen for the room and only 1,320 more Yen for the rest.
Of course, the Love Hotel is designed for you to have a "rest" -- a 30 minute use of the space -- or a "stay." We had overstayed our stay, so we had to pay for a rest on top of that. :(
Still worth it though, for 15,600 Yen for the room and only 1,320 more Yen for the rest.
20070904: The Love Shack is a little old place...
In Japan, I've been told the children live with their parents until they marry. This could mean that at 35 you'd still be shacked up with Mom and Pop. Let's say you have a partner and you want some private alone time. What do you do then?
Love Hotels. How cool. They are themed hotels that only allow male/female couples -- not two men, not two women and not you alone. Have a fantasy about Sailor Moon? Hello Kitty? I've heard they have love hotels for just this thing.
In fitting with our theme of wetness for the night (see the entry on "Warm Summer Rain"), we went to the Water Hotel, a really beautiful love hotel in Osaka.
First, we go into the hotel and there is no one there to check us in. You go to a kiosk and select a room, get a receipt and walk to the room. Then you pay - cash -- at the door.
Once inside this lovely place, there was a console with about 20 buttons on it to control various lighting settings, the karaoke machine, television, AC and music. Next to the bed is what can only be considered the Mini-bar of sex toys. Yup, dildos, vibrators, lube and various accoutrements one might use for sexual play. Even free condoms on the nightstand that, in English, said "Family Planning."
Now the theme of our little love shack was water. And we had one of the upper mid-tier priced rooms, so it was pretty nice. Our bathroom? Equipped with a Jacuzzi, steam room, sitting bench and foot bath as well as a massage area and showers.
In the bathroom, a full 6 step set of instructions, lotions, potions and assorted smelly things for a fragrant refreshing bath. After a long day and night and running about, a steam sauna Jacuzzi was in order for me. MMmmmm.
20070904: Clubbing
After braving the rain, we decided to go to a club. We arrived at the Grand Café (?) which is more like a large bar lounge with a small dance area than a club. The 500 Yen cover charge included a drink ticket each, which, really, is quite a deal considering you could easily pay that alone for the drink.
I stuck to water and let Spencer grab my ticket with his while we hung out. Shortly after arriving, a friendly young Asian guy introduced himself to us. He was part of the group of people which comprised about 60% of the people at the club.
Feeling a little cold from the air conditioning on my wet cloths and hearing the music in the other room, I decided I wanted to dance. We headed into the room with the dance floor where I pushed a few of the tables which occupied the dance floor out of my way and I busted out my poi. Other than the security guard, guy behind the food bar and the dj's, we were about the only ones in there.
Squish, squish, squish went my shoes as I slipped on the floor, oggs lit up, and began to shake it to the music. This drew some attention and the group of kids joined us from the lounge on the dance floor.
In no time, I found myself happily dancing with this beautiful asian woman and I realized that dancing knows no language barrier and speaks to people in a universal way that allowed us an hour of dancing filled with lots of smiles and good fun, seemingly for us both.
As we're on the dance floor, suddenly a spray of white stuff comes down -- the illusion of snow I think was the intention. Except, well, I think it was soap. So there I was with socks that were soaked in sneakers that sloshed as I moved dancing on a nice smooth dance floor which was covered in wet soapy water.
Maybe it's their way of keeping the floors cleaner...
I stuck to water and let Spencer grab my ticket with his while we hung out. Shortly after arriving, a friendly young Asian guy introduced himself to us. He was part of the group of people which comprised about 60% of the people at the club.
Feeling a little cold from the air conditioning on my wet cloths and hearing the music in the other room, I decided I wanted to dance. We headed into the room with the dance floor where I pushed a few of the tables which occupied the dance floor out of my way and I busted out my poi. Other than the security guard, guy behind the food bar and the dj's, we were about the only ones in there.
Squish, squish, squish went my shoes as I slipped on the floor, oggs lit up, and began to shake it to the music. This drew some attention and the group of kids joined us from the lounge on the dance floor.
In no time, I found myself happily dancing with this beautiful asian woman and I realized that dancing knows no language barrier and speaks to people in a universal way that allowed us an hour of dancing filled with lots of smiles and good fun, seemingly for us both.
As we're on the dance floor, suddenly a spray of white stuff comes down -- the illusion of snow I think was the intention. Except, well, I think it was soap. So there I was with socks that were soaked in sneakers that sloshed as I moved dancing on a nice smooth dance floor which was covered in wet soapy water.
Maybe it's their way of keeping the floors cleaner...
September 4: Multiculturalism in the Book store
i have been saying su me ma sen -- or trying to.
it helps.
i had a cool multicultural experience with that.
it means excuse me/pardon me for putting you out -- that sort of thing.
i was in the bookstore yesterday and this girl and i almost bumped into each other.
at the exact same time, she said, "I'm sorry" and i said, "Su me mi sen" -- it was a cool moment
it helps.
i had a cool multicultural experience with that.
it means excuse me/pardon me for putting you out -- that sort of thing.
i was in the bookstore yesterday and this girl and i almost bumped into each other.
at the exact same time, she said, "I'm sorry" and i said, "Su me mi sen" -- it was a cool moment
Monday, September 03, 2007
20070903: Warm Summer Rain
Last month when Hunter and I had a gig out in Discovery Bay (see entry for "Fire Dancers Stuck in the fire") and were enjoying the warm summer evening air, we got to talking with Audree (who was our safety for the night) about how our experience on the east coast was so different weather wise. In San Francisco, you rarely experience a warm summer night because the warm air from the Central Valley in the day time sucks the cool air in off the Pacific Ocean, creating the fog which leads to the ever famous expression about "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco" or something about that.
At the time, I said I missed standing in warm summer rains and enjoying being able to get wet and not be cold and feel refreshed. Well... I feel complete with that at this point!
As Spencer and I darted off to catch the train and try to meet his friend (ag! We were late!) at OCAT in Osaka, it started to drizzel. Riding the bikes down the back streets on the way to the urban parts of Kyoto so we could catch the train to Umeda, I found myself smiling and enjoying the rain as it cooled me off. The night was hot an dmuggy and the rain was welcome,
especially in the breeze of the bike.
Arriving in Osaka, it was still drizzling. No problem... It felt good.
Soon enough, however, we were experiencing a full on rain. I'm not talking about one of those weak-willed-can't-assert itself sort of San Francisco rains. I'm talking the kind of rain that got your shoes so wet your feet were soaked and the shoes made sloshing sounds as you walked. So wet, I thought, "Wow, I'd be concerned this was a hurricane or something if it were even a little windy." So wet, as I walked behind Spencer, I noticed his jeans were wet almost all the way up to his knees.
I've got my fill of warm summer rains, for now. ;)
At the time, I said I missed standing in warm summer rains and enjoying being able to get wet and not be cold and feel refreshed. Well... I feel complete with that at this point!
As Spencer and I darted off to catch the train and try to meet his friend (ag! We were late!) at OCAT in Osaka, it started to drizzel. Riding the bikes down the back streets on the way to the urban parts of Kyoto so we could catch the train to Umeda, I found myself smiling and enjoying the rain as it cooled me off. The night was hot an dmuggy and the rain was welcome,
especially in the breeze of the bike.
Arriving in Osaka, it was still drizzling. No problem... It felt good.
Soon enough, however, we were experiencing a full on rain. I'm not talking about one of those weak-willed-can't-assert itself sort of San Francisco rains. I'm talking the kind of rain that got your shoes so wet your feet were soaked and the shoes made sloshing sounds as you walked. So wet, I thought, "Wow, I'd be concerned this was a hurricane or something if it were even a little windy." So wet, as I walked behind Spencer, I noticed his jeans were wet almost all the way up to his knees.
I've got my fill of warm summer rains, for now. ;)
20070903: Having a (Silver) Ball
OCAT -- Osaka City Air Terminal -- is a Penn Station sort of place. All manner of public transit converge there and
there's shops and places to grab food along the way.
Outside is a pretty awesome and beautiful metal sculpture. It's a few arches, sort of symmetrically laid out that rise over a story high representing the path of a bouncing ball with a silver ball on the ground in between them. The silver ball is probably over 3 feet high.
We were going to meet Emily here but due to my slowness, we were late - sorry Emily!!! :( But, when we got there a group of maybe 25 urban dancers -- break dancing, pop and lock and vogue style -- the sort of thing you might see in "Step Up" or possibly "Rize" -- were hanging out practicing. Wow. What a site.
I saw some amazing artistry there, including one guy who did a 360 turn (in the air) starting from his hands, pushed up into the air (fully leaving the ground) from one hand, turning in the air and landing on the other hand to complete the turn. Think
Mitch Gaylord meeting the best break beat dancer you've seen -- gymnastic dance. AWESOME!
Thanks to Spencer, I found myself super inspired and, after seeing a rather large roach on the ground and thinking, "hmm, wonder how many thousands are under ground..." I got to work and did a dance of my own. Ah, how I love playing with my 2 balls and string. . .
there's shops and places to grab food along the way.
Outside is a pretty awesome and beautiful metal sculpture. It's a few arches, sort of symmetrically laid out that rise over a story high representing the path of a bouncing ball with a silver ball on the ground in between them. The silver ball is probably over 3 feet high.
We were going to meet Emily here but due to my slowness, we were late - sorry Emily!!! :( But, when we got there a group of maybe 25 urban dancers -- break dancing, pop and lock and vogue style -- the sort of thing you might see in "Step Up" or possibly "Rize" -- were hanging out practicing. Wow. What a site.
I saw some amazing artistry there, including one guy who did a 360 turn (in the air) starting from his hands, pushed up into the air (fully leaving the ground) from one hand, turning in the air and landing on the other hand to complete the turn. Think
Mitch Gaylord meeting the best break beat dancer you've seen -- gymnastic dance. AWESOME!
Thanks to Spencer, I found myself super inspired and, after seeing a rather large roach on the ground and thinking, "hmm, wonder how many thousands are under ground..." I got to work and did a dance of my own. Ah, how I love playing with my 2 balls and string. . .
20070903: Arashiyama
One of the reasons Spencer choose to move to Kyoto when he went to Japan was for the way in which that city represents the history of Japan. Another reason is the natural splendor of the area, represented with awes inspiring beauty in Arashiyama. Bike riding for the first time in at least 2 years (I don't seem to do it much except at Burning Man), we trekked out to the little town pretty late in the afternoon, getting there when the shops were closing.
Not to worry, we arrived at the Togetsukyo Bridge and ... Wow. Breathtaking. The beauty of the small waterfall, the serenity, the sense of the amazing ancient feeling of it. The greenery. Set at the base of a large mountain range in a valley, I found myself overjoyed to witness the beauty of it... To the point of tears.
The whole area was amazing, well kept and quite beautiful. Even the train station was done up with an amazing entry way, lovely water tanks and bamboo everywhere. It was a little haven inside, beautiful as it was, and simply a train station! 
We walked along the water to discover a festival the night before we'd seen an ad for. Of course, festival maybe is a bit of an overstatement. It seemed a bit more like a ritual of some sort.
There were boats on the water with 2 men, a woman and a small group of what appeared to be ducks or geese. The ducks were on some sort of leash 
in front of the boat and over the ducks were these burning baskets of wood... Embers shooting out toward the ducks. On the water were 4 boats full of people watching the "event." Later, as the boats with the fire pots pulled away, I saw the ducks sitting on the boat near the woman. Fascinating experience, really.
And one of my favorite things to do this afternoon was shoot a photo of one of Audree's bags made by dutchy with the tag on and everything.
This photo of spencer and this beautiful and spacious Rose Clutch combination wallet and clutch -- big enough even to fit my phone as well as money, oversized business cards, pen, id and more receipts than one person should be carrying -- was taken out side the really beautiful train station.
20070903: Sushi
Oh my did we have a good lunch. For less than $20, we ate copious amounts of really good sushi for lunch. This was my first really good meal since I arrived and I was grateful to be enjoying it. Where did the food come from? Yup, the grocery store. Coo, eh?
Sunday, September 02, 2007
20070902: Kyoto by night
Spencer's such an excellent tour guide! He gives amazing instructions, clear information and along with it, cultural tidbits to make the stay so pleasant you'd think you had your own personal tour guide. Oh, wait, he was that. ;)
He took me on the street car into Saiin where we went to a restaurant that had what seemed a lot like Japanese tapas for dinner. Interesting experience. You take off your shoes -- it's cleaner they think (or at least that's what I've gathered) and then if you want to go to the bathroom you put on these slippers that other people have used before you. How is that more sanitary?
Anyway, after dinner, we took the subway into the central part of Kyotot and went to a main strip near some night clubs. I saw this guy who had the coolest haircut I have seen in a long time. He had some asymmetric carvings in the hair in the right and back of his head. At first when I commented to him, he sort of just gave me this blasé look like an American might go, "been there done that." Then he did a double take and he and all his friends looks at me and said, "Coo" -- dropped "L" and all -- while they gave me the thumbs up.
We walked down the street and found a bridge over water where we shared a clove cigarette. And then I just had to bust out and do a dance. Lighting up the oggs drew a small crowd of mostly young (20 ish?) men. They stopped and chatted with Spencer while I danced. He started telling them I was his Sensei and that I was famous, so I got asked for my autograph by one of them who took a great picture of me, a copy of which I wish I could have gotten. Fun, silly times, to be sure.
We headed back, seeing the guy with the carved hair again -- this time he was all smiles and stares, thumbs up and more "Coo" as we walked by.
In keeping with the rest of the night, we barely made the last train, then barely made the last street car on the way home -- here I was on vacation being rushed around. But I was grateful we got on the last train because that would have been a long walk home and I had not gotten nearly enough sleep for that!
He took me on the street car into Saiin where we went to a restaurant that had what seemed a lot like Japanese tapas for dinner. Interesting experience. You take off your shoes -- it's cleaner they think (or at least that's what I've gathered) and then if you want to go to the bathroom you put on these slippers that other people have used before you. How is that more sanitary?
Anyway, after dinner, we took the subway into the central part of Kyotot and went to a main strip near some night clubs. I saw this guy who had the coolest haircut I have seen in a long time. He had some asymmetric carvings in the hair in the right and back of his head. At first when I commented to him, he sort of just gave me this blasé look like an American might go, "been there done that." Then he did a double take and he and all his friends looks at me and said, "Coo" -- dropped "L" and all -- while they gave me the thumbs up.
We walked down the street and found a bridge over water where we shared a clove cigarette. And then I just had to bust out and do a dance. Lighting up the oggs drew a small crowd of mostly young (20 ish?) men. They stopped and chatted with Spencer while I danced. He started telling them I was his Sensei and that I was famous, so I got asked for my autograph by one of them who took a great picture of me, a copy of which I wish I could have gotten. Fun, silly times, to be sure.
We headed back, seeing the guy with the carved hair again -- this time he was all smiles and stares, thumbs up and more "Coo" as we walked by.
In keeping with the rest of the night, we barely made the last train, then barely made the last street car on the way home -- here I was on vacation being rushed around. But I was grateful we got on the last train because that would have been a long walk home and I had not gotten nearly enough sleep for that!
Saturday, September 01, 2007
20070901: I'm in the State of Confusion
I can't quite recall when the last time I got sleep was. I think it was Wednesday night for about 5 hours, waking at 11 am on Thursday. Sean and I were up all night that night and then I got on the plane on Friday the 31st.
At that point, I had a nap, the deepest sleep I'd had in days, for about 90 minutes. Then my neck hurt and I couldn't sleep.
When I landed in Japan is was almost 4 pm the next day, even though it was only about 11 hours later. Passing the international date line -- what a trip! So there I was, up for the better part of 31 hours landing in Japan with more luggage than one person should have. Of course, 1/3 of my rolling cart was poi gear, and most of the rest was costumes -- I mean, how could I go to Japan and not be decked out GlitterGirl style? :)
Slowly making my way through the airport, I found my way to meet up with my good friend, teacher, student and an amazing being in his own right, Spencer, who lives in Japan teaching English while he's studying Aikido. Very East meets West sort of being who inspires me in his journey of self evolution.
I realized though, after my first poi dance at Uzumasa station: I had left the state of California and found myself in the state of confusion... Nearly half way around the world.
At that point, I had a nap, the deepest sleep I'd had in days, for about 90 minutes. Then my neck hurt and I couldn't sleep.
When I landed in Japan is was almost 4 pm the next day, even though it was only about 11 hours later. Passing the international date line -- what a trip! So there I was, up for the better part of 31 hours landing in Japan with more luggage than one person should have. Of course, 1/3 of my rolling cart was poi gear, and most of the rest was costumes -- I mean, how could I go to Japan and not be decked out GlitterGirl style? :)
Slowly making my way through the airport, I found my way to meet up with my good friend, teacher, student and an amazing being in his own right, Spencer, who lives in Japan teaching English while he's studying Aikido. Very East meets West sort of being who inspires me in his journey of self evolution.
I realized though, after my first poi dance at Uzumasa station: I had left the state of California and found myself in the state of confusion... Nearly half way around the world.
Friday, August 31, 2007
20070831: Fly like an Eagle...
On the plane, I got up, stretched, and feeling really tight, had these two women commenting to me about how amazing the stretch was -- I figure they weren't from California and didn't do yoga. ;)
Feeling like I was on a vision quest on the plane and consciously going into this journey to Japan with the idea that I'd shed the weights of my past -- habits, self images, self deceptions, mis conceptions, lack of faith, lack of self belief -- I know I was exuding something different. This lovely flight attendant commented to me about it saying there was something very electric about me. At another time, I might have thought it was just my hair or fabulous new coat. But this time I knew it was a difference in the way I was Being, carrying myself and owning what I have done in this world and even more, what I am capable of still accomplishing.
Feeling like I was on a vision quest on the plane and consciously going into this journey to Japan with the idea that I'd shed the weights of my past -- habits, self images, self deceptions, mis conceptions, lack of faith, lack of self belief -- I know I was exuding something different. This lovely flight attendant commented to me about it saying there was something very electric about me. At another time, I might have thought it was just my hair or fabulous new coat. But this time I knew it was a difference in the way I was Being, carrying myself and owning what I have done in this world and even more, what I am capable of still accomplishing.
August 31, 2007: Unveiling the site!
While it is still under construction, we can finally say the PoiGeek web site is live... mostly. yeah! the final frontier before leaving for Japan later today. :)
Monday, August 27, 2007
August 27: PoiGeek Announces Plans
PoiGeek announced on August 27, 2007 their plan to launch the alpha release of PoiGeek.com in early October, 2007. PoiGeek is the first poi education web site offering structured lessons available in 4 digital formats: Portable device – perfect for your iPod, web streaming, high definition and even DVD options. The alpha release of the site will feature 4 “courses” – a collection of 10 interrelated lessons – created by PoiGeek co-founder and Temple of Poi founder, Isa GlitterGirl Isaacs.
“We’ll present these 4 modules to whet people’s appetite and give them a taste of what is to come,” said Isa’s partner, Sean Gies. Sean partnered with Isa after investing time in his own poi practice while working his day job at Apple working on software for the newly released iPhone product.
PoiGeek plans to launch it’s alpha version with a sparse 4 modules totaling only 40 moves in October. By the January beta launch the site will have grown to 10 modules with an anticipated 15+ modules by their official unveiling in the first quarter of 2008. In addition, PoiGeek is inviting instructors world wide to also host their courses on the site.
“We’re creating a forum for education to flow from any one to anywhere with a consistent commitment to quality of both presentation and content. At the same time, we’re encouraging students to invest in their education at easily affordable tuition rates,” said Isa, referring to PoiGeek’s pricing structure where lessons are available for as little as $1 each.
“We’ll present these 4 modules to whet people’s appetite and give them a taste of what is to come,” said Isa’s partner, Sean Gies. Sean partnered with Isa after investing time in his own poi practice while working his day job at Apple working on software for the newly released iPhone product.
PoiGeek plans to launch it’s alpha version with a sparse 4 modules totaling only 40 moves in October. By the January beta launch the site will have grown to 10 modules with an anticipated 15+ modules by their official unveiling in the first quarter of 2008. In addition, PoiGeek is inviting instructors world wide to also host their courses on the site.
“We’re creating a forum for education to flow from any one to anywhere with a consistent commitment to quality of both presentation and content. At the same time, we’re encouraging students to invest in their education at easily affordable tuition rates,” said Isa, referring to PoiGeek’s pricing structure where lessons are available for as little as $1 each.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Teaser Video for Poi Course: The Snail Turn Around
And if you want a shorter version, here you go! :)
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
August 23, 2007: Our first PoiGeek video
Sean and I have been busting ass to get a demo for the upcoming Japan trip. It's been challenging -- one unexpected challenge after another. We finally have our first of many videos to come available on YouTube as a promo piece which will be included in the promo materials for the JFF folks. Exciting!!!! :)
Friday, August 17, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
August 16: the thick of things...
It sucks to be in the muck of it all sometimes. Except that the real gifts in life seem to come from stepping through that space and finding a deeper, richer, better part of ourselves in the process.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
August 15, 2007: human accomplishment...
Most human accomplishment is not the result of decisive actions or moments of truth. No, persistence -- even, simple-minded persistence -- is the source of the best of what we do, of real change.
~ Paul Chadwick ~
~ Paul Chadwick ~
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
August 14, 2007: Rumi
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
- Rumi
- Rumi
Monday, August 06, 2007
August 6, 2007: You done good, Ma!
You done good Ma. I’m changing the world, if only on a “small” scale right now (over 1030 students so far and growing). I have done the thing you and dad advised against — when I was young I wanted to be both an engineer and a teacher and unintentionally, I have become both. I combined that with self expression, artistry and meditation as well as entrepreneurialship and voila — here I am 5 years later, world renown, running the premier poi fire/flow dancing school that has been around the longest and, to the best of my knowledge, the only full time one around in the world today.
You undeniably made me who I am — in all the ways you encouraged and discouraged me. All the ways I fought you taught me; all the ways I listened to you taught me as well.
I feel grateful that you’re my Mother. You’re an amazing woman who is a ground breaking individual in her own right. I hope you know that is how I hold you in the world. You often inspire me.
I hope when you think of me you’re not too embarrassed by how weird/unusual I am. When I tell you that it is a gift in more people’s lives than you could count, I mean it. I have countless stories of how the mindset of and the school has changed people’s lives (have you ever read the Flowology Mindset?). One of my favorites is about how one of my students walked into her synchronized swim team meeting and one of her teammates who didn’t know about the Temple from her found the mindset on line and printed it out, asking the coach of the team to use it as a guideline for how they all played together. How cool is that to be putting it out on the internet and have some random person ask another person to use it as the official team philosophy?
I guess my point in all of this is that as I’ve written my will, I’ve reflected on all the times where we have not always seen eye to eye. Despite it all and in many ways because of it, I am who I am and where I am. Your clear and undeniable contribution to me being who I am spreads through the world as my work avails itself to more and more clients each day.
So I thank you for the gift it has been for me both in my own life and in the way I get to share it with other’s in their lives.
I imagine in the great ether of the universe we (the soul) may choose the parents whose lives we come into. I wonder why I choose (if in fact that happened) you and Dad sometimes — I often feel like my relationship with the family makes no sense.
But when I look at it through the eyes of the clarity of my work ethic, commitment to excellence, strength of will, leadership capabilities, brilliant mind, cognitive development, reasoning skills and the profound sense that it doesn’t matter what stands in my way I will make it happen, I’m clear much of that in me is a result of who and how you and Dad have been in my life.
So thanks. Which seems like such a small thing to say in response to all you’ve given to me. But sometimes appreciation, even this small, means something. And I wanted you to have that since hey, one never knows when the end will come.
Love love love!
The daughter (formerly known as) Lisa. :)
You undeniably made me who I am — in all the ways you encouraged and discouraged me. All the ways I fought you taught me; all the ways I listened to you taught me as well.
I feel grateful that you’re my Mother. You’re an amazing woman who is a ground breaking individual in her own right. I hope you know that is how I hold you in the world. You often inspire me.
I hope when you think of me you’re not too embarrassed by how weird/unusual I am. When I tell you that it is a gift in more people’s lives than you could count, I mean it. I have countless stories of how the mindset of and the school has changed people’s lives (have you ever read the Flowology Mindset?). One of my favorites is about how one of my students walked into her synchronized swim team meeting and one of her teammates who didn’t know about the Temple from her found the mindset on line and printed it out, asking the coach of the team to use it as a guideline for how they all played together. How cool is that to be putting it out on the internet and have some random person ask another person to use it as the official team philosophy?
I guess my point in all of this is that as I’ve written my will, I’ve reflected on all the times where we have not always seen eye to eye. Despite it all and in many ways because of it, I am who I am and where I am. Your clear and undeniable contribution to me being who I am spreads through the world as my work avails itself to more and more clients each day.
So I thank you for the gift it has been for me both in my own life and in the way I get to share it with other’s in their lives.
I imagine in the great ether of the universe we (the soul) may choose the parents whose lives we come into. I wonder why I choose (if in fact that happened) you and Dad sometimes — I often feel like my relationship with the family makes no sense.
But when I look at it through the eyes of the clarity of my work ethic, commitment to excellence, strength of will, leadership capabilities, brilliant mind, cognitive development, reasoning skills and the profound sense that it doesn’t matter what stands in my way I will make it happen, I’m clear much of that in me is a result of who and how you and Dad have been in my life.
So thanks. Which seems like such a small thing to say in response to all you’ve given to me. But sometimes appreciation, even this small, means something. And I wanted you to have that since hey, one never knows when the end will come.
Love love love!
The daughter (formerly known as) Lisa. :)
August 6: What is love?
I find this line of inquiry interesting. In my own experience for my world of “romance,” I question what the difference is between friends who have sex and romance. Romance seems like a consciously (at least where I'm coming from today) created game people play with each other in an effort to woo the other person... Wooing them for what is where the game lies I think. Don’t we do that with friends though, just to a lesser degree?
For me intimate relating comes down to love. Interestingly enough, I generally walk through the world and feel love for everyone. I modeled this out when I was 15 or so, though there are some updates as I write it now. I’ve thought of love as degrees of experience of love — from least to most:
hate (loving the life in a way such that one is closed to them, often from fear, disappointment, judgment, disapproval, disdain for their actions)
universal love (love of life and all things that are alive)
acquaintance love (those you’ve met and have more connection with than someone you haven’t)
familial/obligatory love (“those you should love”) which is not always to say that they are loved at that level — can be loved at a higher or lower level
student/teacher love – love of the dynamic that creates learning between you and another as you learn (as both student and teacher) and grow from the experience
friendship love — this has infinite gradients, really. I described it then as this thing where if you have a set of criteria in X domains (ways you value a person showing up be it in common values, hobbies, skills, ways of being, approach to the world and whatever else), a friend is someone who meets Y percent overall of your criteria (back then for me it was 80%); good friend meets Y+some %; best friend meets good friend + some %; etc.
kindred spirit love – is a new one for me over recent years and is what I think at 15 I felt was romantic love, so i’m replacing that spot in the model with a different name for it. For me, it is this place where we meet people who reflect us in ways such that we feel met at a level that almost feels “destined” -- and in a sense, touches into the unknown and indescribable sense of the mystery of love. I have experienced this in the context of “soul contracts” with another — a sense that our souls met in the great Kosmic nothingness and we made a contract to partner in these bodies in this life on this earth. This love, I have noticed, has us make non-rational choices because the draw of the “soul contract” trumps rationality which, for me, explains the completely non-rational aspects of looking in someone’s eyes and just falling into love with them. I think when this happens, there is a soul contract there.
At the time, I thought of “in love with” as the pinnacle of it all. In the last 5-7 years I evolved that thinking into the endless opening to the person, again and again, for who they are, as they are. Even if you “fall out of love,” which you can can do when you are closing, you can also “fall back in love with them” and this can vary moment to moment throughout the day/week/month/year/lifetime of the relationship. The depth of “in love” is about ones willingness to surrender into the truth of the being and i’ve noticed that even if I thought I was “as in love with someone as I could be,” as my capacities and self awareness increase, so does my ability to be more in love with someone.
Also, I could be in love with the man on the street I don’t know by accepting him fully as he is and allowing myself to be open to him even if I have no desire to draw him into a “higher” level of love. I dare say though the closer to kindred spirit love one experiences another, the more likely one is to be in love with them because the nature of being met (at least as I have experienced it in the world) has beings open to Other.
This was probably the first model I ever distinguished, now that I think about it. And I realize now that it is holonic in nature in my experience.
I also realize my experience of love is whacked by most people’s standards. This model explains why polyamory (and in a sense, polysexuality) have been so easy for me to embrace in my life -- I think because I can literally walk through my life being “in love” with everyone. This is a confusing experience to have when so many people reserve that term and limit who they will be in love with when in my world, I am most healthy when I feel in love with all things because I operate at a different vibration in the world. For me, this is the altered state of flow and when I access that space, I know only openness and love and I am at my best.
Anyone I call a good friend I have had at least one moment of being in love with them. And for me, if I’ve been in love with someone, I would consider being sexually involved with them — why wouldn’t I want to share that level of intimacy with them as well as all the others? Hence the boundary-less-ness of my (bi or should I say Try)sexuality because my sexual attraction to a being is directly derived from my love for them which is immediately informed by my openness to them in combination with the overlaps described in the model above. I notice that I see people’s spirit when I look at them (which is also what I see when I look in the mirror) so people’s physical form doesn’t really impact my sexual attraction. There is, often, a high correlations between someone’s own love of themselves and health and how they look physically, but it is incidental to and not what draws me to people or to be attracted to them sexually.
Hence romance doesn’t make much sense to me as romance seems like a construct for limiting relating, seeing as it is often about singling out people to be romantic with, rather than expanding it. For me. Hence my confusion about interacting in that context with people. :D
For me intimate relating comes down to love. Interestingly enough, I generally walk through the world and feel love for everyone. I modeled this out when I was 15 or so, though there are some updates as I write it now. I’ve thought of love as degrees of experience of love — from least to most:
At the time, I thought of “in love with” as the pinnacle of it all. In the last 5-7 years I evolved that thinking into the endless opening to the person, again and again, for who they are, as they are. Even if you “fall out of love,” which you can can do when you are closing, you can also “fall back in love with them” and this can vary moment to moment throughout the day/week/month/year/lifetime of the relationship. The depth of “in love” is about ones willingness to surrender into the truth of the being and i’ve noticed that even if I thought I was “as in love with someone as I could be,” as my capacities and self awareness increase, so does my ability to be more in love with someone.
Also, I could be in love with the man on the street I don’t know by accepting him fully as he is and allowing myself to be open to him even if I have no desire to draw him into a “higher” level of love. I dare say though the closer to kindred spirit love one experiences another, the more likely one is to be in love with them because the nature of being met (at least as I have experienced it in the world) has beings open to Other.
This was probably the first model I ever distinguished, now that I think about it. And I realize now that it is holonic in nature in my experience.
I also realize my experience of love is whacked by most people’s standards. This model explains why polyamory (and in a sense, polysexuality) have been so easy for me to embrace in my life -- I think because I can literally walk through my life being “in love” with everyone. This is a confusing experience to have when so many people reserve that term and limit who they will be in love with when in my world, I am most healthy when I feel in love with all things because I operate at a different vibration in the world. For me, this is the altered state of flow and when I access that space, I know only openness and love and I am at my best.
Anyone I call a good friend I have had at least one moment of being in love with them. And for me, if I’ve been in love with someone, I would consider being sexually involved with them — why wouldn’t I want to share that level of intimacy with them as well as all the others? Hence the boundary-less-ness of my (bi or should I say Try)sexuality because my sexual attraction to a being is directly derived from my love for them which is immediately informed by my openness to them in combination with the overlaps described in the model above. I notice that I see people’s spirit when I look at them (which is also what I see when I look in the mirror) so people’s physical form doesn’t really impact my sexual attraction. There is, often, a high correlations between someone’s own love of themselves and health and how they look physically, but it is incidental to and not what draws me to people or to be attracted to them sexually.
Hence romance doesn’t make much sense to me as romance seems like a construct for limiting relating, seeing as it is often about singling out people to be romantic with, rather than expanding it. For me. Hence my confusion about interacting in that context with people. :D
Saturday, August 04, 2007
August 4, 2007: fire dancers stuck in the fire
I was on my way to a gig and we got caught in a fire -- rather there was a fire and traffic was stopped and the road was closed. We had to turn around and go back. That was fun and interesting.
I've never seen a natural fire that big before. Beautiful experience. And really humbling too. It was clear the fire had traveled pretty far because we could see where the fire department had put out the fire and where it was still moving.
It was so big. Made The Man burning look small. Very small. Very pale.
I've never seen a natural fire that big before. Beautiful experience. And really humbling too. It was clear the fire had traveled pretty far because we could see where the fire department had put out the fire and where it was still moving.
It was so big. Made The Man burning look small. Very small. Very pale.
Monday, July 30, 2007
July 30: On the Radio!
I love technology! I love that I can sit in my bed naked and be on a talk show with a woman who is 2500 miles away, perhaps even sitting in her own home and that anyone on the web can listen to it! How awesome is that?
archive here:
http://blogtalkradio.com/coachkradio
archive here:
http://blogtalkradio.com/coachkradio
Saturday, July 21, 2007
July 21: Filming
I so love my life. I made this cool costume where the trim cost more than the clothes. I get to roll around in the dirt and play wth fire... ah, yes, there I go doing things I "shouldn't" be doing... hee hee...
Saturday, June 23, 2007
June 23: Putting out at O'Hare
On my way to Liz and Devin's wedding. Sean will be here soon. I'm wearing the shirt the fire safety team wore for the 2007 Temple of Poi Fire Dancing Expo... well, modified a little. Should I put beads on it and make it really silly? Tamale said she won't be seen with me wearing that. Hmmm...
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