Friday, May 23, 2008

I don't want to do this!

resistance. wow. i spent the day crying, avoiding picking up the bike.

at some point though, i relaxed into the experience and changed my perspective. instead of wanting to ride a certain amount, i decided the entire exploration was really about being with and in my body, giving myself 1 full week of time to simply focus on being on an exploration with total strangers and no computer to rely on so i could step into the unknown and face the demons of my inner self.

my new goal is to not have a goal in terms of miles (even though i had said after the 58 miles last week that i would be happy with 250 miles) and just be in my body, be okay with being picked up by the support van, and just listening to the communication from my body while compassionately loving myself through the process. wow. a big shift for me and something i've never done.

that said, i'm clear that endurance training and weight loss, given my current knowledge about nutrition, is not compatible for me. So, i have a new goal. on June 11 when i'm back from the ride i am going to start the Body for Life challenge. my outrageous goal is to lose 40 pounds... my realistic and still incredibly challenging goal is to lose 30 pounds and 15% body fat. i think those numbers can win. i could use the prize money!

Atreyu is away... i hope he'll support me.