Day 3: Sneezing Snot

As if to reaffirm my choice to stay at home, I was in the middle of a sit where I just kept sneezing. I projected myself into the meditation hall and decided the person who would have been sitting in front of me was grateful.

Even though it was only day 3, I had decided to attempt each sit as an hour long sit of strong determination. For those who do not know, this is a sit where you intend to remain still and unmoved. For me, the sitting still and not moving can sometimes make me have visions, literally, of jumping up and screaming. It's a great practice to sit through that because it is so challenging. I think that's the point. ;)

During one of these sits, snot was dripping down my face - the very thing I had said to Travis I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with. His voice in my head reminded me that he had done it during one of his sits in India alternating with Mike's voice saying, "How's your health?" It seemed I had duel voices in my mind distracting me.

When snot started out the second nostril, I burst into laughter, as it reminded me of a rather funny moment I shared with Vatra at Fire Drums this fall. He somehow managed to maintain his sense of humor after burning his cornea during an amazing set he was spinning and was cracking jokes with me behind the DJ booth, one of which involved a hysterical visual you'll have to ask him to show you some time. (Not for the faint of heart, I assure you...)

I think that sit was the most intense of the day. It ran from fun, to funny, to hysterical and even included deep crying -- partly prompted by my tender butt, something that persisted to varying degrees all week. That led me to remember how one night, Jim and Frank were home and offered me some fat free Pringles which have this fat alternative called, I believe, olestra. This "fat alternative" apparently goes right through your digestive system and has this interesting side effect called anal leakage. Given the tenderness of my butt, I was constantly noticing sensation there and was concerned about anal leakage for non-olestra reasons -- simply that I was eliminating with great force.

That reminded me of a Robin Williams clip I saw on YouTube.com recently which contained a bit on anal leakage. (I couldn't find that clip, but I found this clip which Is just as funny -- perhaps funnier.) And, my monkey mind being what it was, well, I was reminded of the rest of the clip. The end of the clip is him imitating... shall we say... Intimate acts between a man and a woman.

Later in the afternoon, I had the most "productive" sit where I did anything but actually notice my sensations. "Productive" is not exactly the word I would ideally want to be considering in relation to sitting, but I designed (in great detail) an entire workshop during that sit. Torn between "should I let it go" or "should I write it down" I compromised and rather than get on my computer, I wrote down the salient points in my journal. It was my thought that perhaps in writing it down, I would quit obsessing over it and let it pass away. The next sit it had passed away, which was great. And, I had decided the entire 10 days time away from work was worth it simply for that course outline I'd completed.

Day 2: Burning Butt, Aching Gut

When Sioux and I did the Master Cleanse 4 years ago, we made a huge pot of the stuff and we'd have afternoon tea. In the book we read, they suggested getting peppermint tea to use as a laxative to help facilitate additional elimination and to take it each afternoon. I had found that for me, that was not a particularly effective choice and during my first cleanse, I hadn't had nearly the quantity of bowel movements I thought one should expect for such a deep cleanse. I was happy to read about a different alternative this time, which is tea with senna leaf in it. I rather enjoyed the taste of it and was glad to discover in no way did it seem a chore to drink the tea. As a matter of fact, on day one, I had 2 cups of it.

Now one of the things they warn you about is that when you're eliminating, you'll experience any number of possible things which is a clear indication that the cleanse is in fact working. One of these things, while rare, does happen, This would be having burning bowel movements. After about the 6th shit in maybe 2 hours of this nature (I probably totaled 12 in the first 3.5 to 4 hours of the day), I was sure the cleanse was working. That, of course, and the extreme cramps and aches in my gut. It was wonderful to sit with the sensations and during my meditations on day two I got to some deep places of release and cried more than once what Mark would undoubtedly call healing tears.

And, I didn't take any tea that night because I was not ready for a repeat on day 3.

Day 1: Only 9 More Days

The 4 am wakeup bell was just as hard in the comfort of my own bed... perhaps harder. I mean, what was I doing? The mantra of the day on all the breaks from the meditation was, "only 9 more days"” and on the inside, I thought that didn'’t bode well for my success. I had thought, on some level, Damien and Kendra were correct in encouraging me to get my butt to North Fork and deal with being sick, but during the 5:30 AM sit, I unfortunately thought my intuition really was correct. Hacking up half a lung and some really gross stuff I'’m glad no longer resides in my body, I was grateful to just be at home, even if I thought 9 more days of this was a crazy idea.

10 Days On the Inside

Waking up sick had me clear that going to the 10 day was a bad idea. Instead, after getting coaching from several people but mostly because of my conversation with Travis (wherein he pointed out that I seemed more juiced by the idea to stay home), I decided to stay at home and do the 10 day silent retreat at home while also doing the Master Cleanse. This basically consists of drinking 6-12 glasses of a special lemonade (8 oz water, 1 oz maple syrup, 1 oz, lemon juice and 1/10 a teaspoon of cayenne pepper) each day; drinking laxative tea before bed; and starting the morning off with a salt-water solution (32 ounces of water with 2 teaspoons of non-iodized salt in it) each morning. If you think about it like doing your laundry in a washing machine: the cayenne/lemon juice combination acts as the soap agent for the intestines, the laxative tea acts as an intestine agitator and the salt water solution is sort of like the rinse cycle. The maple syrup provides the vitamins and nutrients (and calories) to sustain you.

I did this cleanse 4 years ago before my 10 day meditation, so it seemed appropriate to do them both together, though a bit more challenging. Of course, everyone was quick to point out the whole set of challenges that obviously arises when you do a sit at home. I was a disbeliever and thought, "I will do this."

My intention at the outset was:

1. do the master cleanse for 10 days
2. meditate following the course schedule and precepts for 10 days
3. not hoop or poi dance for the full 10 days
4. not call anyone and speak with them
5. not email anyone

I bought the food and, off I went...

The Palace, Goenka's 10 Day

In preparation for the December 11 Union Square show, I'm running a fire dancing performance class with 21 students. We're holding the class at The Palace of Fine Arts under this really beautiful dome. Seems like a good place to hold a practice, rain or shine, right? Well, it seems like it, but in reality, after 3 hours of practices there (the above class and another meeting with another group of fabulous performers), I found myself with a hoarse voice (even with the awesome megaphone Jim and Anne brought) and wet feet. This led to me getting the sniffles. So here I am, ready to leave tomorrow for my 10 day Vipassana retreat, wondering if I should go.

If you haven't done one of these retreats, here's the quick summary. All who attend a Vipassana course must conscientiously undertake the following five precepts for the duration of the course:

1. to abstain from killing any living creature;
2. to abstain from stealing;
3. to abstain from all sexual activity;
4. to abstain from telling lies;
5. to abstain from all intoxicants.

There are three additional precepts which old students -- of which I am one -- are expected to follow during the course:

6. to abstain from eating after midday;
7. to abstain from sensual entertainment and bodily decoration;
8. to abstain from using high or luxurious beds.

All students must observe Noble Silence from the beginning of the course until the morning of the last full day. Noble Silence means silence of body, speech, and mind. Any form of communication with fellow student, whether by gestures, sign language, written notes, etc., is prohibited.

And you then follow this schedule:
4:00 a.m.----------------Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 a.m.-----------Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 a.m.-----------Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 a.m.-----------Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 a.m.----------Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher's instructions
11:00-12:00 noon--------Lunch break
12noon-1:00 p.m.--------Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 p.m.-----------Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 p.m.-----------Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 p.m.-----------Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher's instructions
5:00-6:00 p.m.-----------Tea break
6:00-7:00 p.m.-----------Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 p.m.-----------Teacher's Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 p.m.-----------Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 p.m.-----------Question time in the hall
9:30 p.m.----------------Retire to your own room--Lights out

The thing is, while you sit during 3 of the 1 hour group sits, for 7 of the 10 days you are not supposed to move. As someone with a running nose, in close quarters to someone else, I question two things: 1. does this make sense for my health? 2. Does this make sense for everyone else's health?

I'll sleep on it and figure it out in the morning...

The Ants Go.... Marching Suicidally

Oh how weird the world is.

When I sent the email about the ants last week, it must have been some kind of weird foreshadowing.

A colony decided to invade my home when the rain hit. And, in the weirdest of experiences I've ever had with ants, they congregated in the most bizarre place I can think of: my freezer.

I guess with absence of anything on the counters and floors and surface tops that must have seemed like a good place to go.

So there a lots of dead ants on the top of the shelves on the door of the freezer with more attempting to get in. Very odd...

The Ants Go Marching 1-by-1

We live in California so ants seem to a fairly common thing to come by in ones home.

I often consider them as I watch them march by -- are they really the more evolved ones? Their path is so clear and requires nothing more than the beingness of it. I recognize that to think this somehow denies the obvious evolutionary span humans have which ants do not... it is just that sometimes I wonder, are they really laughing at us and speaking to each other and since we don't speak ant we don't really know how evolved they are?

What I really question with much more seriousness: should I kill the ant or let it roam free. Generally I just let it go if there are only a few, but when it looks like they will congregate and create a mass encampment, I start with the genocide. (is that
the right word for exterminating in this context?)

Especially now that I'm getting ready for my (second) 10 day silent meditation retreat wherein you vow "to abstain from killing any living creature," I ask myself this question again and again: do I kill the ant or let it live?

And then I question my criteria.

To some extent, the vow is impossible to maintain -- my guts are constantly killing invasive organisms to sustain my life -- are they not creatures simply because I can't see them?

Is the underlying spirit of the rule to say, "have consciousness about those creatures whose life you snuff" rather than being about the strictness of the rule itself?

A Children's Party

Hunter (isn't he hot? that picture is amazing!), Atreyu (who wore a mask which scared the children -- but it was Halloween! aren't masks okay?) and I were off to do a gig for a 6 year old. I acquired this gig through a beautiful woman I met on the N line some months ago to whom I gave my card. She saved it, called me out of the blue, and hired us to perform. Butterflies are of course fabulous for children's parties, so I went with that. Unfortunately, I didn't take a picture before the gig, so the picture here is what is left over after getting home. And lucky us, we got some fire photos out of it too. The really bright one in the middle is us doing this move that everyone loves where I do hip reels with my poi around us both while Hunter does some sort of figure 8 up high so we don't get tangled. Of all the moves we created, that one was the most random -- we just did it in practice one afternoon. Oddly enough, easy as it was for us to create, crowd consistently love it. What a fun thing to be a fire dancer. I love my life.

Exploring the Energetic Skin

I feel blessed to have met Atreyu. He is an amazing being with whom I resonate strongly. When I look in his eyes and he is looking back, I feel a timeless connection which lightens my soul and brightens my day. I experience our interactions as easy, fun, growth oriented -- at the worst of time -- and spiritually bound in ways I've not experienced with others at our best. More than once I have had the experience of what I would call exploring the energetic skin between us. By this, I mean exploring the place where our subtle bodies -- one might call this our auras -- meet and connect, touch, and expand into each other. I have described it as feeling like in the place where our energetic skin touches, infiinite fractals are born. It feels electric, even though our gross/physical bodies are not actually touching. I think this is because we have this instant rapport created by our mutual movement of energy through dance. He is amazing control of his body in the liquid/pop-n-lock style of movement and each time I watch him, I am reinspired to grow in my own dance skills.

Decompression

I love butterflies! Here's one that I absolutely loved making, though it took a really long time to do because of all the details. It lasted throughout the day really well though, which was fun.

Various Makeup

Nothing in particular to say about any of these... though I do enjoy them.

3 Gigs in One Day

But only one makeup job. :) And yes, that necklace is painted on. It makes hooping so much easier and I had to hoop at all 3 gigs.

I.D.E.A.

My good friend Jason has lots of I.D.E.A.s he shares through his work at the Institute for the Development of Evolutionary Awareness. He has been a tremendous gift in my world and helped me acquire many of the distinctions fundamental to both my work and my lifestyle. Todays headline is for him and his IDEAS -- may they spread far and wide to serve the greater good.

Is it really over?

When people saw decompress on my head, they mistakenly thought it was in relation to Burning Man, which I did not attend this year. Subsequently, they asked, "How can you be decompressing from an event you didn't even attend?" I thought that was funny. And, while I didn't go, up until a week before, I was planning to so I had much of the months of preparation and stress associated with that without any of the upside of the experience.

In this case, it was because I was finally done with all the major editing of the footage from the DVD. The rest, which took weeks, was final proofing and DVD production stuff. I was ready to decompress from a summer of putting my heart, soul, time and energy into creating the Temple of Poi 2006 Fire Dancing Expo DVD and I was grateful to get a respite from editing. No doubt about it -- iMovie is a great tool. That said, I'm sure, in retrospect, Final Cut Pro would have made the job much easier.

We Need Something... Different

On this the 5 year anniversary of 9/11, I still believe we fundamentally need something different in terms of how we as humans interact if we are to survive and thrive as a race. I recently re-read this article about the war in Iraq by Ken Wilber and really resonate with his vision of how we could grow in the future. I hope it comes in my lifetime... though I think that would be optimistic.

Oh yeah, the lettering is in purple for Lexi... in honor of the theme of her trip: different. :)

Bindis Galore!

I was so happy to receive the really awesome bindis Vladlen got for me when he was away in India. In addition to those, I met a beautiful woman who was here from Bombay. She traded me some of these bindis for some poi lessons, so between the two new stashes I received, I was inspired to do less painting and more bindi decorations.

Gig Day

Done with that particular incarnation of a mohawk experiment, I was reinspired by the first day I had shaved my head. Unfortunately, I forgot to take the photo before the Gig, so this is the aftermath of sweat and performing and lost gems and decorations.

Painted Ram Hawks, Part II

Let the Shavings Begin

This was the inspiration for the November shaving... heehee...

Animal? Vegetable?

We thought this looked a bit like a peacock on one side of the face, and an ivy branch on the other...